I Have to Get Out of Here

Last week my middle daughter Aly was distressed. She had a final essay to prepare for a college application and she had a good amount of homework from her calculus class. She was overwhelmed and frustrated and what I considered motivating was only making her angry. I was out of ideas and frankly tired of living with the human form of Godzilla, I just wanted her to move forward and scratch these items off her list. I was essentially hoping to sooth the savage beast.

Mark and I started a conversation with Aly at dinner with this question, "Why are you so angry?" Aly's response was swift and sharp "I just want to get out of here, I don't want to be here anymore!" I have been here before; my oldest Ashleigh had declared the same thing the summer before she left for college. It was hard to hear then and even though I was expecting to hear it from Aly sooner or later, it was hard to hear now too. Wanting to get out of their parent's house is pretty typical for most teenagers, the part that the teenagers do not understand is A. they are not our hostages and B. We want them to go when the time is right. The last thing we want is to have raised children that do not want to get out in the world and be on their own.

I do think her declaration helped me realize how ready she is to carry her own torch. With the words "I just want to get out of here, I don't want to be here anymore!" Aly told me she was ready to take on the world and I need to get out of her way and let her go. The interesting part of all of this is, I am ready. It was hard to hear in the tone that Aly used, but I understood and I respect her for being honest with us. By telling us the truth about how she is feeling, Aly has made the transition a little easier for all of us.

Please do not be fooled, our human Godzilla is still storming her way through the house, but she has made us aware of her dilemma and we are sensitive to it. Aly is still bound to our house rules and our constant need to insert our opinions where she feels they are not needed. I have tried to explain to Aly that we could not be called parents if we were not actually parenting her. This is something that she accepts grudgingly at best. Besides Aly making her personal declaration to us about wanting to leave home, Aly has now completed the essay and the final college application has been sent, plus the calculus homework is done and suddenly the lessons seem easier to her. Most important of all, we are all aware of the goal to "get out of here" and we will all work together throughout this year to make that happen for Aly.