Last night Mark and I were at a get together with some good friends of ours. We have been friends with all of these people for at least ten years, maybe longer. We have all traveled together, laughed together, cried together and watched our children grow up together. Two of the couples have children that are all out of high school and are in various stages of college. One other couple along with Mark and I have children still in high school. Because my friend and I have girls of similar ages, we tend to compare child rearing war stories. Last night was no exception.
One nice thing about hearing someone else's story is that you realize that you are not alone. You are not the only Mom dealing with teenitudes or dirty rooms. Somehow knowing that there is another Mom down in the trenches with you helps you feel normal. After discussions with various friends about where they are at with their own children, I have come to realize that although some of our parenting styles may be different, all parents deal with the same basic issues. The other thing that I am certain of is that each mom wonders what she could have or should have done differently, when it came to raising her children. As mothers we are determined to take full responsibility for all of our children's failures and successes. Most moms tend to believe that they are the reason that their children do any variety of good and bad things. I know for me personally, I blame myself for my middle daughter's extreme temper pendulum. I was working a very high stress job when I was pregnant with her and I am certain that I fed her those high emotions in the womb.
The other side of this debate that I have with myself is the fact that despite what I consider very poor mothering on my Mom's part, I can still be a fairly high functioning mom and adult. I spoke with a friend last week that shared that her mother lacked the gift of mothering, and it seems to have spurred my friend to love her children even more and it has also made her even more determined to be the best mom she can be. I am certain now that we all have a shot at being either a good or bad mom solely based on what we want and not necessarily on what we learned from our own mom's. I am also certain that no matter how hard we try, we will make mistakes with our kids.
The other side of that coin is that sometimes we get it right too. The hard part is that most days, no one is watching and so if you do get it right there is no one around to cheer you on and tell you how great you are. I am not sure about you, but when someone tells me I am doing a good job, I want to do an even better job. That being said, reality is Mom's do not hear the band and cheer team when they make a touchdown with their kids; they just have to smile inside and know they are on the right track. Perhaps, that is why sharing child rearing war stories is so valuable. Just knowing there is someone else out there that understands what you are going through and maybe even going through the same thing as you are with your kids, is just as good a feeling as a touchdown. You get the feeling you are not alone and sometimes a well timed "You can do it, hang in there" is all it takes to get you back up and ready to face your kids for another day.
GOOOOOOOOOOOO MOM!!!
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