Making It Right

In May of 2009 when my Mom died I promised to the heavens that I would make things right. My Dad at that point was in the throes of cheating on my Mom, he also shared with me at the time that the rings that had belonged to my Grandmother were missing because my Mom had "hidden them" when I knew full well he knew where they were and did not want me to have them. Dad also had never begun the process of funding my Mom's trust with half of everything they owned.

 Needless to say I was horrified at what would happen now. Part of me or (truthfully) most of me just wanted to let it go. I wanted to stay comfortable and pretend that everything was OK. The hurt was something I could work my way through and I really did not know how I could ever trust my Dad again. This is when we found out my Dad had a very aggressive Cancer and a few months later after more painful actions by my Dad, and a year after my Mom past, he died.

 Now I am back to "making it right" as I promised my Mom I would do and I find those same feelings burbling up. A big piece of me wants to just let it go and stop dealing with the daily madness that was created by a vengeful, sick and self centered man. The other part of me is determined to make it right for my Mom and for my family. The weight of all of this is crushing on the best of days. No matter how this process ends someone will be hurt and there is absolutely no way to stop it. Thanks Dad!

 I am not a big fan of the woman my Dad married three months before he died, but I am also not comfortable being vengeful towards her. On the other hand she (the widow) does not seem to be the slightest bit concerned about our feelings and she also seems very comfortable being vengeful. Perhaps that is what my Dad liked about her, who knows?
Somehow my sister and I have to get comfortable with taking this bucking bronco of family drama by the horns. I owe it to my Mom to at least throw a punch or two at getting this situation under control. In May my Mom will have been gone four years, this whole nightmare has dragged on long enough and I just want to make it right and get on with my life.

 My Mom use to tell me all the time that "life is not fair" and I would get annoyed with what I considered a ridiculous comment. I guess I feel like life is not about fair, it is about what is right. Being fair is for children, in the adult world doing the right thing, being the bigger person and honoring yourself and who you are is what really counts. Considering that my Dad was not able to do any of those thing helps me feel more determined to make it right for my Mom and at the same time continue to be the best person I can be. In the end that will be the greatest honor to my Mom.