Day 288 The Perfect Mom Project

 

 

This is the final week of school three whole days and two halves for Aly and two whole and two halves for Avery. Avery is taking tomorrow off from school. The entire school is going to a local amusement park, and Avery decided she did not want to attend. Instead she is spending the night at a friend’s house and then tomorrow I will pick her and her girlfriends (that are also passing on the trip) up and we are heading to the movies. This a pretty sweet deal for her if you ask me. Aly will be slaving away at school while we are out gallivanting around.

I am ready to be done with the hustle and bustle of the school year. Last night Mark and I ran out to pick up a few groceries and a friend I have not seen in quite some time was there. She shared with me that she too was ready for a slower pace. It is really funny how eager I am each year for school to be out and how I am just as eager at the end of summer for my kids to head back to school. Hearing my friend say out loud that she felt the same way was comforting. It must just be the dance we Moms do. We want the slower pace and some time with our kids, but then we are ready to have our own lives back and the pace of life to pick up steam.

 I just had a phone call and as the phone was ringing, I thought to myself “What did you forget Avery?” My Mom radar was right on track! She left a shirt here that she needs for her life skills class today. They are planning to do tie dying. Honestly, I think all the end of the year hustle and bustle is making it even harder for my kids to focus. “Fine Avery, I will drop it off at school at 10:30 AM”  “Thanks, Mom” she said. Just seconds before she left this morning we were running around pulling a lunch together for her, because she forgot she had to make her lunch for school today. It is nonstop action and adventure here this week. Let’s hope that this morning was our lowest point and that there is nowhere but up from here. So, I guess I need to get moving, I have a shirt to drop off at the school, another save by Mom today, “Your welcome!”

 

 

Day 287 The Perfect Mom Project

Yesterday did not go as planned at all. We all went to Avery's soccer game. Mark (the coach for the team), me the sideline parent, Avery the soccer player and Aly who in the 11th hour was called in to be a substitute player for the last game of the season. It was fun watching both the girls on the soccer field. Aly had not played soccer since 4^th grade, but she still had some great moves. I did tease her some, because she runs like a girl. She had her arms at her sides with her pinkies out a little. Her physical appearance looked like she was saying in her head as she ran, "Oh dear, oh dear oh dear!" None the less she did a great job working with the other girls on the team. Our proud moment came when Avery made her first goal ever. After eight years of paying soccer she finally got a goal! It was a great way to end the soccer season.

The rest of the day was quiet. I did poke through the box of moldy pictures a little more. Looking at those pictures brought up some "I wish" feelings. Wondering, if things had been different with my Mom and me, how would our lives have been different today? I am not one to normally look back and say "I should of, or I could of". I am generally happy playing the hand I am dealt, but the pictures in the box have me looking down the rabbit whole wondering if my world could have been different, what would I have changed? The answer is nothing. The change would have had to come from my Mom; I have been trying to live a good and happy life. That is the conscious choice I made long ago. My Mom lived out the life that she chose and regardless of what either of us would have wanted to change, here we are. Mom is gone and I remain to turn the family in a new direction. I guess if I am going to play the hand I was dealt then to borrow a term from poker, "I'm ALL in!

Day 286 The Perfect Mom Project

A couple of days ago I received a box of photos shipped to me from New Orleans. I am assuming they were pictures that were in my sister's freezer there. After hurricane Katrina wiped out the first floor of my parent's home, my Dad and sister stored the photos in her freezer to protect them from becoming any more moldy or decomposed. I am assuming all of this, because there was no note, just the photos all moldy and some stuck together. It was hard to look at them.

 Beyond the memories that the photos stirred up again, I am feeling that the further I stay away from the impending drama that will likely unfold (from the emotional and physical mess my Dad left behind) the better. My sisters are all at odds. They are all hurt and sad and angry. They are blaming one sister or another for these feelings, when the real blame belongs to my Dad who created the mess. Nothing any of us do now will change the emotionally charged course he has set. There have been moments when I have wondered and worried how all of this will play out and what I should do, and then I just decided for my own well being I must do nothing. I cannot jump in the fray with my sisters. As I look in on this story as it unfolds I realize that there is no safe side. Once the mud starts to fling everyone is fair game and I have been through enough. I could not handle another year or more of fighting over this mess that was created.

 I will always have my sadness and doubt about my Dads integrity. I will always wonder what he was thinking when he started down the path that has brought all of us to this point. No mudslinging or legal battles will change that. I will need to just stand out of the way and let my life take the course that God has planned for me. This last year has taken a toll on me physically. It has been one ailment after another, and now I am trying to recover from whatever my stomach is doing. I cannot take any more stress. It seems silly that a box of pictures could bring up so much doesn't it? I just feel like I want to move forward and I keep getting pulled back. I am waiting to hear from my sister that brought a truck of our stuff home when she moved her son (who had been working for my Dad) and his wife back home. Those items will ignite another firestorm of memories.

 For now, I sit quietly listening to the birds singing, the clock ticking and my tummy rumbling. It is going to be a good day. It's Avery's last soccer game of the season, plus she is headed to a birthday party with some girlfriends for a boy from school. I am sure Aly will have something cooked up after her overnight last night with her best friend. Aly told me yesterday she had so much fun last weekend that she feels like summer has started all ready. Whoa Nellie girlfriend, we have another week of exams to get through, don't shut down yet! I have my work cut out for me keeping my kids focused this week. I do not have the energy or time for anything else. So maybe just knowing that, I am back on track for becoming a perfect mom? Nah, probably not…

Day 285 the Perfect Mom Project

Happy Donut Day!

Today is National donut day. Another important point of interest is that this is my last day to drive the middle school carpool this year. No more jumping in the car and running to pick someone up and worrying that we are going to make someone else late. It is Friday which means we have one week left of school, three full days and two half days next week and then it is officially summer!

My girls are ready to be done with school. They have worked very hard this year and they need a break. The break will not last long, since they have both decided to test out of Spanish 1. This means that Aly and Avery have June, July and most of August to learn a year's worth of Spanish. Aly has also decided to take an advanced English class next year which means that she has three novels to read over the summer. Aly also is registered for her Segment Two drivers training, which will be three evenings at the end of June. It is going to be interesting to see how and when all of this gets done.

Avery has just told me that her tennis shoes that she took with her camping last weekend are still wet. As I sit here I can hear her pulling them out of a plastic bag she had them stored in. That means that her wet tennis shoes have been sitting in a plastic bag in her duffel bag since Monday. YUCK! I guess, if you want moldy shoes that is a really good way to store them. I kind of miss the days when the girls were little and I could unpack their bags for them, then I would know for sure that everything was washed and put away. Now I am crossing my fingers that Avery will grow out of this messy phase. If not now, at least by the time she has a home of her own. It is going to be a long summer with messy room girl!

I enjoy having Aly and Avery home during the summer, but I am sure I am not alone in feeling the excitement of the first day of school. There use to be an office supply advertisement on television each year in late August and early September, where the mom would be gliding through the store with one foot on the back of the shopping cart and with her other foot the mom was pushing herself around the store to the song "It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" That is how I normally feel by the time summer ends.

Today, I think I will celebrate summer coming, with a donut. I might also raise my donut in a toast to my final day as carpool mom. Finally, I will soak up as much of my time alone as I can in the days I have left before the endless summer begins. So much to do and so little time, I hope that is not the theme of the summer we have ahead of us. I am looking forward to relaxing a little. Ah summer, I love the sound of that word…SUMMER. Off I go for my donut!

Day 284 The Perfect Mom Project

Last night my family had to remind me that today would only be Thursday. I had it in my mind that it was Friday, wishful thinking I guess. I feel like even with Memorial Day last Monday, this week has been too long. We were up later than normal last night since the girls were both excited about their evenings. They each had so much to talk about and the energy level was high. Avery was excited, because she had set a goal for herself at the beginning of the year and she succeeded. She had wanted to achieve all A's for the entire year. Aly was excited, because she was inducted into the National Thespian Society and she was also recognized for her hard work in theater this year. Both girls were sitting at the end of our bed talking a mile a minute (not exactly conducive to falling asleep).

It was wonderful watching Aly and Avery so excited about their accomplishments. I realized last night that all three of ours girls had been invited to honors night all three years when they were in the middle school. Knowing that middle school is tough enough just from an emotional stand point, I was very proud of all of them for working hard and staying focused on school, no easy task when your hormones are in charge. Now that the concerts, plays and honors nights are over, we are all focused on the finals that started on Tuesday and continue through the end of next week. Saturday is our last soccer game of the year, so our summer will be wide open for some fun after that. We are also going to be learning Spanish this summer since both girls have decided to try to test out of first year Spanish. It seems that every time we slow down around here, we speed up with something else.

Mom is ready for some down time. I have been in high gear for a while and it is taking its toll on me. Tomorrow is my last carpool drive of the year, so I can check that off my to do list and with only four more full days of school, my grocery list will not have to include lunch box items for a while. All in all I am making my way through the teen years and puberty like a safari guide through the jungle, pushing aside the tall grass and vines that get in my way so that we can get to the clearing. It's been a real adventure so far, I can only imagine what excitement lies ahead.

Day 283 The Perfect Mom Project

Todays photo is honors night 2008 Aly 8th grade, Avery 6th

I was surprised yesterday when a friend of mine told me that their family was not going to honors night tonight. They were invited, but decided not to go. One of her children had said "It's just a piece of paper Mom, it's no big deal." I know this particular family has been exceptionally busy with several children in different sports and both Mom and Dad working. Tonight is their only free night this week, so she jumped on the chance to stay home. I shared with her that I have been telling my kids for years, that when you have the chance to have someone pat you on the back, or clap for you, you should take it, as you get older those chances happen less and less. I also told her that I see her side too, if you have one night to do nothing, in a sea of busy nights, you want to grab it and enjoy it. Now, I am wondering if my idea of encouraging my kids to go for the pat on the back is the right way to think.

 This being Avery's last year of middle school, I want her to have the chance to hold that piece of paper in her hand and feel the honor of the moment. On the other hand would it really matter if she was not there? I am not sure why it is so important to me that the kids not miss these moments. Is it about them, or is it really about me being able to see them receive their award. It is probably a little of both. While Avery and Aly both worked hard to do well in school, Mark and I were in the back ground helping with homework and encouraging them. Sometimes we were driving them and other times they had their own drive. Does it really matter if they are there when the awards are handed out?

 Maybe, it is just about what works for each family. For us, we are dividing up tonight since Aly is going to her theartre banquet tonight and the rest of us are going to Avery's Honor's night. That is what works for our family this year. I had a Mom ask me if I was going to be at the banquet with Aly the other day, and I had to explain that we had chosen to go to Avery's last honors night. I had a tinge of guilt when I explained that we would not be there to the other Mom. I guess every family has to do what works for them, but for me, I still think I want my kids to be there for the pats on the back, I am just sad that tonight I cannot be in two places at once.

Day 282 The Perfect Mom Project

This week I am carpool mom and tonight I am soccer mom. Tomorrow night, I will be a celebrating my youngest daughters academic success mom at the middle school. I will also not be a thespian banquet mom for Aly, because both events are scheduled for the same evening at the same time. Since I cannot be everywhere at once I had to choose. I went with the Honors night at the middle school since it is the last one, after this we are an all in high school family. Which also will equal a broke family, since yearbooks alone cost $65.00 and I will now be buying two.

The last few weeks of school are taking their toll on all of us. The girls are tired of homework and tired of getting up early, tired of making their lunches and just plain tired. Avery is worn out from a long weekend of camping and has announced this morning that I am" irritating" her. I said "That's funny, because you are irritating me too!" We are off and running this morning busy irritating each other. Aly had a busy social life this weekend. She had a never ending itinerary that started with her successful bonfire Friday night and ended yesterday evening, with a movie at a friend's house. I guess if we are tired it is probably from trying to start summer before school is even over. We are all burning the candle at both ends. We have nine days left of school and I am counting them down. With the end of school comes what Mark likes to call the "endless summer", and this year I need it more than my kids do!