Day 106 The Perfect Mom Project

At 6:00 AM this morning we got the call, Avery's school is closed today because of a power outage. Aly was not pleased, her comment of course was "That's not fair!" Guess what Aly, to bad, life is not fair, now get on the bus!

I love how the girls think that everything breaks down into fair and not fair. There is no possible way to take two people and make everything "fair". Think about it, how fair would that actually be? Everyone of my children is different. If I insisted that they were to be exactly alike and raised them that way, odds are real good I would be hauled off for emotional child abuse or something. In order to make everything fair, I would be jeopardizing the people that they really are. So, I guess that by not being fair, I am actually being fair.

Now the trick is to help my kids understand that. I have told my girls to be ready, because when I pass away, it is not going to be fair. I will have done something for two of the girls and not for one, or I will have said I was going to do something and not get a chance to do it. It is not going to "be fair" and at that point, I am not going to be able to fix it.

So reality is that I am not going to try to be fair, I am just going to work at treating others the way I would want to be treated and teach my children by example. I am going to play by the rules and think about how my actions affect others. I am not going to take advantage of others or blame others for my mistakes. Most of all I will always tell the truth and I expect the truth back. If by doing this I raise children that live with integrity, then I have done the best job I can. If that is not fair, then OH WELL!

It is just another day in this parenting jungle and I have much to do. I must teach my children about fairness and justice, do laundry, make my Christmas list a little longer and possibly make some cookies with my daughter who "got" to stay home today. There is no time to waste when you are working towards perfection.

Day 105 The Perfect Mom Project

Well, I am going to be in my jammies a long time today. The progressive dinner went very well, but I am exhausted! We started at 5:00 PM last night, and at 1:00 AM I had to go home. I was done! From what I heard my hearty friends hung on until 2:00 AM, by then I was in dreamland.

It was nice to be with my friends and eat, drink and be merry. Every home offered something delicious to eat.We talked about many things and it was nice not to have my family stuff on the agenda. I am so tired of thinking of it and talking about it.

Aly did not get home from her competition until about 1:00 AM, and Avery had one of her best friends spend the night and they were still up when we all got home, so we are all dragging. After a little more resting, we will have to get in the swing of things again. Avery is going to a holiday event at our church with her youth group and I have been invited to an Advent Tea at a friends church tonight. There is no rest for the wicked! I am going to have to get in the holiday spirit sooner or later, my friends are working real hard to make it happen. If I do not get there soon, I could pass out trying.

Honestly, I started a Christmas list this morning, and I am feeling better about the holidays then I did yesterday. It could be that the wine we had last night has pickled my brain and made it possible for me to think more clearly. Not probable, but you never know. One thing is for sure, I am very fortunate to have a great group of friends looking out for me. I am hopeful for a good week with many activities. My girls are always up to something and this week will be no exception. So, all aboard the Christmas Crazy train. Everyone hold on and be ready for anything!

Day 104 The Perfect Mom Project

As if I was not already frustrated enough, as I wrote my blog this morning, I accidentally deleted it. I will try to recreate my thoughts for the second time, but I have to say that I am more on edge and less thoughtful then I was with the original post!

I am struggling to get my Christmas spirit this year. Avery and I were out running some errands yesterday afternoon and the song Where Are You Christmas? came on the radio. I had to stop for a moment and listen to the words of the song, it was like listening to my thoughts pour out of the radio. I am not my usual Christmas self, I have no gift lists made, or even any interest in baking holiday goodies. I am even struggling with wanting to shop. I have been out and purchased a few gifts, but my heart is not in it.

Mark suggested this morning that it is because the girls are getting older. The magic and excitment that they once had for Christmas is gone. Without their excitement and enthusiasm, Mark thinks that I am lost. I am not so sure that is the issue. I am sure that some of my lack luster attitude has to do with the girls being older,but I do not think that it accounts for the whole problem. We missed the local tree lighting this year, where Santa rides in on the town fire truck. The girls are just to old to find that exciting anymore. I missed my annual day after Thanksgiving shopping with my girlfriend and our family's crazy tradition of watching the movie "White Christmas" after we decorate the tree. Most of all I am missing my Mom. I am not sure why, she has been out of the holiday picture for many years, but there is something about the finality of it that has me reeling.

Honestly, the last few minutes, I have been pounding on the desk with what I thought was anger about my blog writing disappearing, but my anger was inappropriate for what had happened. The more I sit in this anger the more I realize that everything that I have been keeping inside is coming out. I want to let all the events with my Dad go. I know in my heart that this is all in God's hands and that is where it should be, but my head is full of things that just make me MAD! Real MAD, crazy MAD. My family does not deserve this. I am amazed that one person can hurt so many. This is the domino principal in action!

Tonight,is our annual Holiday Progressive dinner with three couples who are close friends of ours. This is our forth year and the talk is that everyone is on board to keep it going. I hope that time with friends talking and laughing will help ignite some holiday cheer in me. I also hope that my desk pounding, cry fest has helped cleanse my mind a little bit. The saying goes that when you hit bottom, there is no where but up. With that in mind, I should get my "butt up" and go work on my salad course for this evening. It is time to...

Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la la!

Day 103 The Perfect Mom Project

Well, where did that week go? I am sure that it was only a minute, not a week. I would like to know how I have arrived at Friday, it does not feel like I have accomplished a darn thing this week.

Aly has left for school and she leaves with her school around 11:30 AM today for her drama competition. I hope she has everything she needs. She is at the age now, where she does her own preparing and packing. I just stand back and nibble on my fingers wanting to suggest things to her, but knowing that she has to do this on her own. I won't lie to you, I did stick my nose into her business yesterday when I suggested that what she was planning on wearing for one of the competitions would not work. Surprisingly, she did not appreciate my two cents at first, but after she poked around her room some more she came up with a more appropriate choice.

I am trying like crazy to once again motivate Avery to clean her room. She would like to have a girlfriend spend the night tomorrow night during the progressive dinner. One of my girlfriends that does the progressive dinner with us has a daughter that Avery has been best friends with since they were tiny little things. It would be great to have them hang out, it would be more fun for Avery, and I would not have to worry about her being alone the whole night, since Aly is gone. The trouble is that Avery goes into her room under the guise that she is going to clean and then she flops down on her bed and start reading. I love that Avery is a reader, do not get me wrong, but she goes overboard with it. She will walk with a book open in front of her, or even stay up till at least midnight on a school night trying to finish a "good book". I know I am very fortunate that she is a reader, but my complaint is that it sometimes voids out other things in her life...for example CLEANING HER ROOM!!

I will just have to have faith that she wants the sleepover as much as I do. I am not cleaning the room, so the only way it will get done is if Avery does it. I repeat, I AM NOT CLEANING HER ROOM. I said that more for my benefit, not Avery's. I would not actually clean her room, but I might stand outside the door and cheer lead her. This time, I need to let her stand or fail based on her own motivation. I will say though, there is a good chance I might walk by and clear my throat from time to time. Without a perfect Mom handbook to guide me , I have to make things up as I go.

Day 102 The Perfect Mom Project

Excuse me...has anyone seen my sanity? I left it here a few weeks ago, and now I cannot find it. I am certain that all my marbles are gone and all that is left is mush!

• Missing sanity check


• holiday spirit zip


• Ability to think zip


• loving towards family zip


• calm and rational zip


• kids ready to over throw Mom check

I am not sure where to go from here. I cannot seem to get to a good place within myself. Last night as I was driving my kids home from another rehearsal, I lost it. Avery said she did not want to do the show anymore and I flipped out. FYI people, I am sick of driving. Pretty sure I would have rather been at home. Why wait until Mom has driven you to the rehearsal(in the pouring rain)and waited around for an hour to tell her you do not want to do this. On top of the fact that I had to race up to the high school to get Aly so she could come home, have a bite to eat and then head out to this rehearsal.

Aly still wants to do this show, but I am feeling like we should hang it up. I am ready to be done racing around. I guess the fact that we have been on the go since school started and top that with the events(involving my Dad)of the last few weeks and the cherry on top being the trip down to New Orleans, and you have a crazy Mom sundae!

I am thinking that I am going to be drummed right out of the Mom business for this, but here goes. I am sick of driving everywhere! Maybe it is because of being on the road so much last week. I do know that by the time we got home last night both of my daughters were upset with me and went straight to their rooms. I was not nice, and I did not care, I was just done! There is not much to do now, except ask my children to forgive me for losing it. I cannot promise that it will not happen again, but I can at least ask them to love me through this rough patch.

In the big picture that is what we all need the most when things are not going so great. We just need someone (or multiple someones) to love us and hold us and convince us that this too shall pass. I want to be excited for Christmas, I want to think about something besides my Dad and his issues. I will say it again, isn't it a shame that we are all focused on what he is doing and not on him and his Cancer? By trying to "be happy", he is losing the love and concern of his children. My Dad is also not showing any love or concern for his children. I do not get it!

When the girls get home today, I will sit them down and ask them to forgive me for being so rough on them last night. Some of it was the driving everywhere that put me over the edge, but mainly it was pure frustration talking, and that is not my girls fault. I love them too much to leave them with the whacked out Mom memory burning in their brain. Hopefully, they will cut me some slack. Odds are good they will, they both have places they need to go in the next few days, and...I'm their ride!

Day 101 The Perfect Mom Project

Well, I spent another 4 hours on the road yesterday. I drove out to my daughter Ashleigh's to pick up my dog Roxanne. Ashleigh watch Roxanne for us while we were out of town. It is good to have my dog home with me, I love it when she cuddles with me. So everything is pretty much back in place here at home. The only trouble is...IT IS WEDNESDAY!

How did this happen? Where did the week go? Have you ever been driving your car and you realize you just drove to your destination, and you remember nothing about getting there? That's how this week feels to me. I have to work on things around my house today to get ready for an annual progressive dinner we are part of. Everyone will be coming to my house on Saturday, I need to get my house clean and my mind focused on my part of the dinner, salad. I have an idea what type of salad I am going to do, it is just getting to the store and preparation that will be on my list in the next couple of days.

With the progressive dinner, we move from house to house for each course, and it is great fun. Each year we push the start time back a little earlier, because we take so long at each house. We are all good friends and see each other regularly, but we always seem to find endless things to talk about. It is actually a good thing to have something so fun and positive to focus on.

In the middle of cleaning today, I still need to pick up Aly after school, from a rehearsal for a Thespian competition this weekend. After Avery and Aly grab a bite to eat here at home, it is off to a rehearsal for a play they are in the first part of January.

You would think with all these rehearsals, there would be someone that we could ride share with. Nope, not so much! Oh well, I can always use some of the time that they are rehearsing to squeeze in some Christmas shopping. Christmas is another thing that has snuck up on me this year. I am totally off my game. I do not even have a list of Christmas items for people like I usually do.

If nothing else all is right in my world, because my dog Roxanne is home. I will focus on the little things in hopes that it keeps me moving forward. Lets see...drive Avery and her friend to school, clean my house, drive the girls back and forth and then maybe spend sometime with my husband. Who? You know the guy, he drove us over 2,200 miles last week and brought us home safe. He might want a little attention too. Being a Mom is multifaceted!

Day 100 The Perfect Mom Project

WOO HOO!! 100 days of blogging! I am actually happy that I have been able to maintain this year of blogging so far. I am only 265 days away from the end. I know, don't be sad, I will try to cook up something else just as interesting to write about, but I probably will not commit to writing everyday. I have heard that it takes 21 days to make a habit, so I think that after 21 days it is past habit and more like a life style. Perhaps it will be harder to not write everyday, but regardless I am getting ahead of myself. I have a ways to go yet.

Yesterday I was back on cab duty. I am not sure how the girls cook up all of this stuff that requires me dropping everything and racing to get them. Yesterday they decided they were going to audition for the Christmas show at the high school. I agreed to drop them off a little before 4:00 PM, but told them that their Dad would pick them up between 5:00 and 5:30 PM on his way home from work. This plan was so that I could get dinner started.

Once I had the girls dropped off, I came home and started chopping up veggies for a soup I was making. Just as I was in the middle of cooking the soup the phone rang. "Mom, the auditions are over all ready" Aly tells me. It was 4:30 PM. "OK, I will have to come get you in a few minutes, I am at a crucial point in my soup preparation". AARRGH! I dropped everything and headed out to get them. Realistically, I should have just stayed there during the auditions, but Avery had told me if I was there she would be too nervous. I decided I would rather work on dinner, so that I was not rushed to get dinner on the table. That did not quite work out like I had planned.

It is getting to the point where I feel like there must be other Moms out there that are tired of being taxi's. Can we not organize and possibly create some kind of support network? I keep asking Aly if there are other kids we can ride share with, but I think she just likes having Mommy doing the driving. The other issue is that my daughter is making no moves towards driving herself. If she does not start practicing her driving soon, we are going to be hauling her around next year too! Do not get me wrong, I love my kids, and I am happy to give them a ride now and then. Maybe the over 34 hours in the car last week put me more over the edge, because, I am ready to hang up my taxi sign.

Not so fast, "Mom", if that's your real name! This is your week to drive in Avery's carpool to school. I never had a chance, just as I start to feel bold and ready to stand up to these kids, I realize I have no way out. I guess I will have to just relax and enjoy my time with the kids. It will not be long and they will be on their own. I will then miss all the time we used to spend together. You know, I am starting to think that being a Mom is one challenge after another. Someone should write an instruction manual or something.