Mothering

Today is Mother’s Day. There is always a vision in my head of how I want today to go. I generally envision endless surprises and my children fawning over me and my every want and need anticipated and handled and a variety of gifts in endless supply. What actually happens is…well, none of that.

Quite honestly, I never really took Mother’s day seriously, even when my Mom was alive. I always struggled to find a card that said just enough, without over thanking her. I would poke through the cards hoping to find something generic that would not give my Mom credit for things she did not do, things like

·         Mom, you were always there for me

·         Thank you for all of your sacrifices

·         You made who I am today

·         You gave me a great life

The hard part is that now that I am old enough I can step back and realize that my Mom gave me everything she had. I should not have expected her to be anything other then what and who she was. She deserved praise for her offering me the gift of life and doing her best to raise me when she was struggling herself. I have always been so wrapped up in not having the perfect Mom that I under appreciated the Mom I did have.

Honestly, each and every day I will do and say something that I can attribute to my Mom. My quirky sense of humor, my desire to dance to music no matter where I am and my ability to say something inappropriate and not realize it until it is too late (commonly known as Foot in Mouth Disease or as my family says “no filter”). All of these things are who I am today and gifts that I was given by the one person I have spent my life denying.

When you look at these gifts, you might wonder how I can be thankful for them, but it is easy. I was also taught to laugh at myself and I have never taken myself seriously. My self esteem is actually pretty low, but it has afforded me the ability to strive to be a better me and not get comfortable riding the “I got it all going on so no need to change or be better wave”. That is a gift.

My Mom did what she could, but I knew I could do better, just by watching all the other women in my life. I have been blessed with friends and loved ones who have offered me many lessons in loving and caring for my children. Some lessons came from watching them and some lessons came in the form of advice, but all the lessons have helped me appreciate how difficult a job being a Mom is.

It has also helped me realize that one day is not enough time to express to a Mom how much you truly appreciate what she does. Don’t get me wrong, I am not proposing more than one Mother’s Day, I am just suggesting that appreciating and understanding can happen any day and any time and maybe making it one day raises the bar of expectation for those of us who are Moms.

Today, I will sit back and let the day be what it will be, no expectations. I will also be sending heartfelt love and admiration to the heavens, so that my Mom will know that I finally get it. We are who we are and you give what you have and if you want more, you give more. In the end what you give away will fill you more than any gift or fawning you receive. It also will make your day especially lovely if you say or do something to embarrass your children (you can thank my Mom for the last one).

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Me with my girls

Me and Ashleigh

Me and Aly

Me and Avery

Me and My Mom