FASHIONISTA

I am the mother of three girls. As such, I find myself constantly balanced on the leading edge of fashion. Each of my girls has their own style and they wear it well. My youngest has always been fairly laid back about fashion and has shunned any current trends. Her interest in a particular style or fashion idea would last momentarily and then she would head back to her jeans and comfy shirt...until now.

Last night when I joined her in her room to help her plot out her outfits for the coming weekends events, I realized that she is being buried alive by hand me downs from both of her sisters and clothes she has outgrown. She also is so tender hearted that when I asked why she would except some of these items when they clearly A. Did not fit or B. they were worn out, she replied " I did not want to hurt their feelings".

Baby girl cannot even think about becoming a fashionista because she is busy being the guardian of unwanted clothing. Every time she gets dressed, she has to shuffle through drawers and a closet full of items that are not fit to wear. I spent most of the evening removing things from her closet and assuring her that she does not have to accept every piece of clothing set at her bedroom door.

Avery has hit the age where she is ready to find her own style and become her own person but when she gets dressed she looks in the mirror and sees herself in her sisters clothes and not her true vision of who she is. The hard part of all of these revelations is that Avery does not like to shop. At least not for long periods of time. This can really throw a curve ball at any fashionista since being fashionable requires shopping for fashion.

For the time being we are going to focus on clearing out the Hand-Me-Down mountain so that she can start at ground zero and build a wardrobe that better represents how she feels and who she is. The next obstacle will involve actually shopping. When she was younger I would have her cut out pictures of things she needed to remember for school and glue them to paper. I am thinking that she could use the same idea and clip and paste clothing ideas online so that she has a data bank of what she would like to look for. Maybe I am crazy, but I think it would make her shopping less overwhelming and stressful.

I realize that the world has much bigger issues at hand then a teenage girl's fashion woes, but in a house full of girls this is considered an emergency! Any self respecting mother of future women knows to answer this emergency call and I am on it...Never fear Momma Fashionista is here!!




Just a quick note that I am emailing my blog in this morning just in case it looks a little different.



Sent from my iPad

Not Bad For...

So yesterday my sister sent me a text and as part of the text she added “Not bad for an old broad”. That is a statement my Mom used to make all the time and it drove me crazy! It also does not help that said sister is about seven years younger than me! She is actually bringing the whole team down with her comment. My thought process is this, if you are what you eat, is it possible you are also what you think?

Can you age yourself by referring to yourself as old? I have friends that call themselves old on different occasions and since many of my friends are younger than me it grates on me. I realize that I am aging, but I do not intend to be old. My point is this, while my body is fervently working to make its way through life’s process all the way to the end, does that mean my mind and spirit must age as well? Could old just be a state of mind?

Why bow to the number in years and give up, when we could be learning and growing and staying current with the times. There is technology that changes daily and music of every type available. How it is possible that we could stay stuck in an age/number when we are thrust forward each day with new ideas is hard to comprehend. I honestly think change is good. Changes in clothes, food, and environment are all important in keeping us young
emotionally even when our body is making other plans.

I am not giving in on this. While there are definite signs that my body is trying to make a run for it, I am not going to stop thinking young. There is so much life left to be lived and my plan is to soak up as much of it as I can. As I soak it up, I also plan on enjoying every minute. Mind you it is not always easy, especially when your kids want to remind you just how uncool you really are, but I know that someday they will be in my shoes and look back and hopefully finally understand what I was up to. While they assume that I am trying to embarrass them or they think I look silly, I am really just teaching them to grab ahold of life and swing from its vine!

After all…we have one shot at this life thing, so why should we give up in the middle of it and coast? Today I ask that you cut yourself some slack. Look less in the mirror and more into your heart and mind and please do not refer to yourself as OLD! It suits no purpose and diminishes you and me. Remind yourself every chance you get that you are what you think you are and take a moment to breath into your mind and spirit the youthful life around you.

 

Reconciling Loss

As I wrote about being a mom yesterday a friend of mine was sitting with her mom watching her fight her last battle with Cancer. Cancer won again.

My heart hurts for my friend knowing that losing my Mom was one of the most difficult things I have ever worked my way through. While many times my Mom and I were not of the same mind, she was my Mom. I think like her, I joke like her and to some, I look like a tall version of her. I remember her every day.

I think of something quirky and funny and I laugh knowing my Mom would have laughed too. I listen to calming classical music knowing my Mom taught me to love the grace and beauty of the instruments flowing together. I see a picture and remember the moments we had together. Mostly though, I see her in my children, in each of them there is a little seed of my Mom that is blooming. In time those seeds will be passed on to the next generation mixed with moments that I have had with my children and quirks that I have given my children.

Suddenly within the loss, you find hope. Once I let go of the hurt and sadness of my loss I learned to embrace the memories and moments that danced in my mind. Now I feel my Mom with me. We were so different yet so much alike and I am the only one that really knows the subtle nuances of the relationship we had. I am free to release the sad times and the hurt and focus only on my love for her and the gifts that she gave me. But that came in time, after I had stitched up the wound of my loss and the pain of wishing things could have been different. Reconciling loss takes time.

One day you will find yourself smile as you remember a moment in a room where you once stood together and laughed. You’ll feel the warm morning sun and sense the feel of a hug and know that she is there with you. You will grow her favorite flowers or make her favorite food and feel united once again if only for a moment.

My friend, I know how much this hurts and I know that it feels like the pain will never stop. You are feeling longing to share one last word and hug. You want so badly to hear her voice…her mom voice, the one that always put you at ease and came with a loving hug and if you are like me, you just want to know that now she is ok and all her pain is gone. You must trust that she is now safely in God’s arms and that her heart is always there for you. Your mom is now a bigger part of who YOU are.

Cancer may have won this battle, but it cannot beat your spirit. You will smile again and laugh too, but first you will cry and wonder why. You will struggle with the day to day tasks that seem senseless and silly. You may even wonder at how people can get up and go each day when you do not have the strength, but trust me one day when you least expect it you will remember your mom and smile.

Sick Day

I dedicate my post today to all the Mom's who are not feeling well. I myself have had my days of illness and I know how tough it is. Let me walk you through a sick day for one of my children or husband. They go like this.

1. I establish a sick zone, usually the couch with a sheet over it and a pillow with a fresh pillow case.
2. I hand over the remote to said sick person and they become captain of the couch watching inane shows on television that make my head want to pop off.
3. I have water, ginger ale and soup at the ready along with oyster crackers or saltines.
4. I remain at the beck and call of the sick person for the duration, which includes nights and weekends.

Now lets walk through a day of my being sick:

1. I wake up a little later hoping everyone gets off okay and doing my best to remind everyone of any necessary belongings that should not be left behind.
2. I slog out to the couch and plop down as my mind works thorough what I have in the house that will make an easy dinner.
3. I feed the dogs and take them out.
4. I try to do laundry.
5. I search for soup or something to eat for lunch.
6. I have a mini pity party.
7. I let the dogs out AGAIN!
8. I suggest leftovers or something easy for the family dinner all the while feeling guilt and hoping no one goes hungry.
9. I watch some inane show on television.
10. I go to bed and hope that tomorrow I feel well enough to rejoin the world.

Mothering is my job, I take great pride and joy in it, I know that no other person can do for me what I do for my family and I do not expect them to...okay that part is a lie, it would be nice to get a little sick day tender loving care, but the truth is I really want everyone to keep moving forward and that's why I do what I do. It is no easy task taking care of a family and as Mom's we can only hope that what we do for the family when they are sick, they learn to do for someone else one day. I guess you have to consider mothering a Pay It Forward program. There is no other way to reconcile the hours of time and energy invested. We (Mom's) all know that our value far exceeds our actual pay but the benefits of love and genuine appreciation (no matter how small) make it worth it in the end. Lets face it we Mom's are awesome and just anyone can not step up and do what we do. If that means that I do not get a top notch sick day, then I guess I can let that go...not easily, but I can let it go.

Getting Back at It!

My goal is to start writing again. I make no promises, but my hope is that I will settle back in and bore you with what is going on here once again.

As of today Aly my college student is back on campus after her Christmas break and starting her second semester of college. Avery is back at her high school looking at the downhill slope of her junior year and Ashleigh my oldest and my husband Mark have gone to work. I am ALONE! Sweet quiet except for the washer and dryer working away. I am not worrying about anyone sleeping too late or who will need a car or what every ones plans are today, I am just enjoying being here in my nest all alone.

This morning I am propped at my family computer having handed my little notebook computer off to a friend that has technology savvy sons. My computer became slower and slower and it was in jeopardy of being tossed across the room. For it's own safety I sent it away into capable hands that will hopefully figure out what has taken a hold of it. I am grateful for those who have the ability to understand the inner workings of this amazing technology.

In the midst of my glee over being alone, I am also struggling with the disappointment that an enrichment class in American Sign Language that I was looking forward to taking at our local college has been canceled. I as usual blabbed to anyone that would listen about this class I was going to take and now I sit here feeling foolish and sad. I was looking forward to trying something new and stretching my personal boundaries a little. Instead I am now thinking I should skip the enrichment class and sign up for college...I know I laugh when I read that too! Me...SCHOOL?? Hmmmm or just let it go and move on to the next hair brain scheme.

My family continues to remind me that many of my ideas for self improvement and enrichment, including being employed never actually end well. I am generally very happy staying close to home and following my routine. I thought this class would shake things up for me a little and get me out of my box. Now I find myself climbing back into my box and getting comfortable...very comfortable!

 My youngest has made it clear that she does not need or want my input on things that are coming up for her so maybe its time for me to step back and focus on what I need and want. This is a foreign idea for me. I have focused on someone besides myself for almost 30 years and letting go does not look promising, but I am willing to try. I can at least go to the college and ask some questions, what can it hurt? I of course will put that off until tomorrow so that I can enjoy my solitude for today. I mean really, I do have my priorities!

Compare if You Dare

During a recent conversation with one of my girls I was side swiped by a comment that basically showed that said daughter felt slighted because she felt another daughter, her sister had been receiving more attention then she had received in a similar situation. The conversation was emotionally charged and an inappropriate comment was made about what she felt was an unfair balance.

So let me explain where I stand about comparison parenting…IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN! I have never been able to make everything fair amongst my children and I have no intention of trying. Trying to parent my girls exactly the same is like trying to catch a fly and get it out of your house. There are a lot of swings, but mostly misses.

I spent a lot of time when my children were younger making sure everyone received the same amount of gifts at Christmas and birthdays. I even went so far at times to get the same item in different colors for each of them but the trouble with that is sometimes it is appreciated by one, but most often it falls flat for the others. I have been accused of caring for one more than another and the truth is sometimes that happens. Each of my children needs me in a different way at different times and quite honestly ones troubles can sometimes be higher on the parenting agenda then another and you just do the best you can.

The comparison parenting makes for a slippery slope that I have no desire to step on. I am not interested in sliding down the, is it fair or not mountain. There is no way to take three girls who are each distinctly different from each other and raise them or treat them the same. There is also no way for me to make amends for loving and caring for one differently then another on any given day. Each of these children needs me to love them the way that works best for them. One likes to talk with me and spend time with her, one likes me to hug them and hold them and one of my daughters likes gifts and attention. What none of them will understand until they are parents is that you love them all the same but you have to raise them and respect them as individuals.

I have always told my girls that when I die it will not be fair. I was not trying to be morbid just honest. Someone will be left something better or different then another. One of them may have more time with me then another and one of them may have a harder time adjusting than the others. So I say to my children “Compare if you dare, because it will never be fair!” You would be short changed in the end if you were all treated the same, so embrace your differences and love and respect each other for them. Someday those differences will be the jewels in your own lives and you will be grateful to have them. For now I ask that you respect me and recognize that I am always working to love you and do the very best I can for you and that when you compare you just might be cheating yourself.

Stalemate

I have been sitting here for ½ an hour this morning staring at my computer screen wanting to write about things I shouldn’t. I have so many things inside me that I would normally share and now I find I just can’t. After all these years of being an open book and writing out loud my heartfelt thoughts and feelings, I am starting to believe that I have run my course and that it is time to look for a new outlet.

I will continue to write, but I think and as you may have noticed it will be more limited. It is not as easy these days to open up my heart and share. Many of you have been so supportive and encouraging and I appreciate that more then you know. I just am struggling with things that I prefer to keep private and as hard as I try to find a way to write about them without sharing more than I should it is not possible. Basically I am stalemated. I have much to share but my heart tells me it is not the right time.

I ask that you be patient and continue to check in. I plan to write when I feel I can and as often as I can, but I can no longer live with the rigid schedule I had assigned myself of writing every morning. I will try other times and write about other things but in the end it will not be what you have grown to expect from me. I do hope that what you find when you peek in on me will be something you still enjoy.