Full MOON

The last couple of nights the moon has been full, a giant glowing orb standing guard in the sky. When the moon is full I notice that I as well as others have a change in mood and spirit. I am no longer able to brush off uncomfortable feelings. My temper seems shorter and my interest in pretty much anything is reduced to grumbling.

This morning I decided to do some reading about the full moon and behavior. There are many schools of thought and all of them are very scientificy (just made that word up). Basically I learned nothing because even the smart people that read Scientific American could not agree on if people really react to a full moon at all and if they believed that they did, they had varying reasons why. I basically just read the article and the first couple pages of 60 pages of comments and decided that if these smart people cannot figure it out or even agree, then I am not going to be able to do any better.

Mainly I am certain that I notice a difference in how I feel during a full moon and a significant increase in wackadoodle drivers on the road, which leads me to belief there is some validity to the hypothesis. Although I am using a couple of fancy words, do not be fooled…I know nothing! It’s just a feeling and honestly a woman’s intuition can out way a scientific hypothesis any day. You are just going to have to trust me on this, those short tempers and bad moods those are not coming out of nowhere so you had best prepare yourself for the day people. Do your very best to stay calm…use your deep breathing and above all pack your patience, because somebody somewhere is probably going to get on your nerves today. Just remember they just cannot help themselves, it’s the moons fault!

Happiness is a Root Canal

After all the build up and worry, yesterday I had my root canal. I am about to say something crazy but…it wasn't that bad! I think the fact that I thought it would be way worse than it was, actually made it better. I did however pop in my ear buds and listen to some quiet classical music to help keep me calm and oh yeah, I had nitrous oxide which kept me from leaping out of the dental chair. Many factors went into making what I feared less dramatic than I expected and a happy side note, now that they have cleared out the infection in my root, I feel much better than I have in days!

I think sometimes expectation can make or break an event. Expecting a surprise and not getting one can definitely break and event. I remember once believing that Mark was going to surprise me, I think it was a birthday. I had it all built up in my head, thinking everything he did was leading to a surprise and when the time came and went and nothing happened my heart was broken, all that time and energy that I spent getting excited about being surprised and then nothing.

It is nice to know that sometimes when you expect something and the opposite happens, it is actually a good thing. Yesterday I thought for sure I was going to be wiped out today, trying to recover. Boy was I wrong! I am a little tired, but I am feeling much better than I have in a week or so. Feeling better coupled with the fact that yesterday’s dental appointment went better than expected plus hearing birds singing outside, makes for a great day and I intend to enjoy it. I hope you enjoy today to!

Connected

I am connected. I have an IPhone, IPad and a notebook computer. I also have a home phone, a desk top computer and two televisions 3 if you count our old 15 inch television with the VCR in it that we use to plug into our car for our girls when we would travel. I believe that that small little television is what has fueled the connection fever. Not just for our family, but for family’s everywhere.

What started as a convenience to keep our families entertained while we traveled has now become a lust for us to be continuously entertained. Don’t get me wrong, I am not standing here in judgment of anyone, since I am never without some form of connection. I am more just trying to understand where we will go from here. I recently read that a family had decided to shut off their televisions for a month and at first I had admiration for their endeavor until I realized that that plan would never work here, we are just too connected.

 If I suggested to my family that we disconnect I would be setting all of us up for failure. Now it is not just the television that is disconnecting the family units it is the cell phones, Ieverythings, onboard DVD players in vehicles, computers of every shape and size and of course Netflix. Anyone in our family could be connected all alone in their room and no one would ever know. The world has become more informed than ever before about so many things, yet in the end I wonder if we are becoming less connected with each other. We are losing touch with what really matters, while we pursue information about things that do not.

I am connected and I hope to stay as connected as possible, but I am not willing to lose connection with my family and friends. While I cannot make my friends put their phones away, I am thinking of getting a docking station for my family’s electronics, some place where our technology can rest while we connect and recharge with each other.  What started as a little entertainment to keep the kids quiet during our travels has grown even larger than we ever expected. It is time to show technology who is boss and reclaim my family’s steering wheel. So I am curious, how connected are you?

Too Tired

Today I am tired. Actually tired seems to be what I am a lot lately. While I am trying to heal from 2 various issues that require antibiotic, I can feel my body’s unwillingness to get back to normal. The hard part is that I have too much to do to give up to the tired and not enough energy to do what has to be done with any gusto. Over all I am working hard to keep going. Laundry and dinner do not take care of themselves and errands are better taken care of then put off.

In addition to the run down feeling is the fact that my brain cannot think which makes writing even more difficult. All I keep thinking is how tired I am and then I mentally slap myself telling myself to focus…but it is just not working people! At this point it is best if I just call it a day and try to get back at it tomorrow.

Think Fast

My daughter was running late this morning. Last night was the first night of her high school play she is in and she was up late. Her excitement and adrenaline were over flowing and I am assuming that falling asleep was no easy task. As my daughter was flying down the hall to the kitchen she called out that she needed money for a class field trip and it was due today. Actually what she said was “Mom, you know that field trip I told you about, well your gonna be mad, but the money is due today!” The “told” part was that she mentioned it at dinner a week ago and had no information to make a decision on.

Now I have made a lot of decisions on the fly and many times regretted it so my instinct was to ask more questions. “Where is the permission slip?” “When is it?” “How will you get there?” Many of her responses were “I don’t know”. Call me crazy, but I really do not want to hand money to someone that does not have all the facts! As I told her that my feeling was that the lack of information made me think it was not going to happen, suddenly she was shoving the information and permission slip under my nose. This information that she gave me made me even less interested in letting her go, that partnered with the fact that she told me “I really don’t want to go, but I don’t want to miss out”.

Here is what the trip entailed; Avery’s American Sign Language class was going to sign the National Anthem at a major league baseball game at our stadium in our downtown area. Here are the pieces I did not like…

·         I was to pay $18.00 dollars for her ticket to the game

·         The game is a night game on a Monday night 

(a school night as my husband pointed out to her)

·         The kids have to drive themselves 

(note: I am certain this would also involve paying to park)

I was not completely on board with the whole thing, but the last item was the stopper. Maybe I am over protective, but I really do not want my daughter navigating the inner city streets at night to go sign the National Anthem and for this honor she pays for her ticket and parking? I totally understand that she does not want to miss out, but I have forced some situations to fit when I was not sure I wanted to be there for the sake of “not missing out” and I can tell you that I usually kicked myself for forcing the issue and wasting my time.

My daughter did not give me a hard time for my decision. I think she knew that my patience was thin after having all of this information shoved at me with very little time for thought or discussion. I also know that with everything else we have going on I am very comfortable not handing her more money. Actually, I did mention she might want to look for a job, more because I am not fond of playing fire engine with my wallet every time she remembers she needs money. As my daughter left this morning she seemed alright with my decision and although I did pause for a moment and wonder if I was doing the right thing, I stood my ground and sent her on her way without my permission or my money.

Deserving Happiness

After my Mom died in 2009 my Dad took up with the woman that had been her caregiver, actually he took up with the caregiver before she died which is a whole other painful story. Our family was torn apart by his irrational choices and his pain over losing my Mom turned into anger towards me and my sisters. Within months he had turned away from his family, upset that we were not honoring his desire to be “happy”. He would constantly ask all of us “Don’t I deserve to be happy?” This question of deserving is a very fair question, but happiness really was not ours to give, it is ours to find.

I now believe that his anxiety and frustration during his search for happiness was caused by a lack of understanding of what happiness really is. Happiness is not something that I or anyone else can hand you. Happiness does not come from new belongings or new jobs and it is not something you deserve, happiness is a way of life, a belief that life is good and that our gift of living is a blessing. Happiness will never be something that is bestowed on you by another it will always be your gift to yourself.

There are way too many days in my life that I have let pass feeling unhappy and disappointed and pointing blame at others or circumstances. Watching my Dad fight for a happiness he felt so strongly he deserved and him never actually finding it has helped me realize how transient happiness can be when you are waiting for it to be given to you. I now know that happiness is many times the smallest moment unseen by many. An unexpected kindness or comment or a smile from a stranger can suddenly remind your brain to smile and be happy. Happiness can be a family dinner or a celebration and sometimes happiness is sitting in your favorite chair with a good book and plenty of time to read it. Basically happiness is in the eye of the beholder, it is different for each of us.

Sadly my Dad died a few short months after asking us if he deserved to be happy. While we all told him we believed he did deserve to be happy, he never did find his true happiness. I always wonder if he was just trying too hard, maybe his happiness was actually sitting around the table with him listening to him hysterically claim his right to happiness when his biggest joys and accomplishments were staring back at him blinking back tears of sadness. I agreed with him that day that he should be happy, but his or anyone’s happiness should not come at the cost of another’s happiness. I also think if you are open and aware, happiness will find you and meet you right where you are.

Slow and Steady

Just for fun, my body has decided to give me a hard time. I have been on an antibiotic for one issue that has not cleared up and today I am heading back to the doctor to be rechecked and I am certain I will be put back on another antibiotic. Yesterday I went to the dentist for my 6 month check and cleaning. While I was there I pointed out to the hygienist that I had this weird bump on my upper gum that had seemed to be better since my first round of antibiotic for the other (previously mentioned) issue. “Hmm” said the nice hygienist (who was obviously concerned but trying not to alarm me) “I think I will take an x-ray after your cleaning”, so as she cleaned my teeth I tried to maintain my concern level and not get worked up over possibly nothing.

Once the cleaning was complete the dentist came in and poked around what I had decided by now was no big deal…I was wrong! I have some sort of abscess that is actually attacking the root of one of my tooth. So this means that I will need a root canal which I am not thrilled about at all! My other concern is that I am completely frustrated at this apparent attack by my body. There are many things that could be wrong with me and realistically this is all small and easily cared for by taking a few more antibiotics for these competing infections and a root canal which I am definitely not looking forward to. All I can do is try to take it easy (never an easy task for a busy Mom) and approach each day with a slow and steady attitude. While my body would like me to stop, I just cannot do that right now.  

My plan today is to go to the doctor, run my errands (which include trying to fill my house with enough food to keep my family going) and then rest. Any Mom worth her salt knows that there is no real time off. Your Mom brain continues making lists when you are sleeping so it certainly is not going to shut down just because you are under attack by infection. Perhaps if I get moving I can knock out all of today’s “Have too” items and get back to resting and slowly and steadily get back to good health.