Rain Day

It is no secret that I love my snow days. Each winter you will find me doing all things necessary to provoke a snow day. According to my kids who are smarter than me about most things (just ask them), if you wear your pajama’s inside out, put a spoon under your pillow and flush an ice cube down the toilet you are upping your shot at a snow day. This whole process seems ridiculous, but at the time if you suddenly receive a snow day, you are certain you have powers beyond belief. I am willing to attempt this ridiculous process because I love the cozy fire, book reading and movie that will happen on these random and glorious days. Nothing is expected of you because naturally everything is much too treacherous to attempt when there is snow.

Today is a rain day. It has been raining since about 1:00 AM and it does not look like it will let up anytime soon. The standards for a rain day are different. No one is directing you on how to go about provoking one and the rain generally comes about during a season when you would like to be out and about, for example like today. If I could pick I would prefer the early morning drenching shower that replenishes the plants and grass but does not ruin the summer time activates. For some reason I am less excited about being stuck at home then I would be in winter and find myself feeling trapped.

Some of these feelings probably come from the fact that I am not a big rain fan. I do not like the feeling of being a soggy mess when I am out and about. When it is snowing it does not saturate through your coat as you run from your car to your destination. Snow also seems quieter, once snow blankets the ground it seems to bring a hush to nature and it invites rest and relaxation. Rain rushes in hammers down, lights up the sky and thunder claps loudly around without any consideration at all.

I should at least put in a kind word for the gentle rain that brings contemplative thought. An evening rain or early morning rain that sets you back a little but calms you at the same time. The upside to the giant stomping thunder and lightning this morning was that it gave me an excuse to sit on my rear end and skip my work out. It was the perfect rainy day thing to do. I considered alternative possibilities and found myself completely not interested. The fact that it was storming helped me think up the excuse that I might be electrocuted since my treadmill is by a window...I know you are jealous of how quick thinking I am. I seriously had to protect myself from…ahem…harm.

On the agenda for today is…finishing a book that I have been dragging around with me long enough, vacuuming (another super fun rain activity) a little grocery shopping and perhaps some time with my girls if they ever get up. Rain apparently makes teenagers very tired. It is not a snow day, but those are special and they are best left alone.

Money is Not Everything

Right now there is a giant sink hole in my home where I am throwing endless amounts of money. This hole sits quietly waiting to be fed and for some reason once it is open the hole’s appetite cannot be sated. Some might call it a money pit, but I call it raising kids.

Yesterday I bought four new tires for our daughters car. There had been a flat and a tire was needed. Once I arrived at the tire store it was clear that the tires that were on their car were…well…crap, so the money had to be spent. Then I took my youngest to get her license (hooray!) and called the insurance company to add said daughter to the insurance and just when the bruise of this money punch was forming I received the bill for my middle daughters first semester of college. BAM, knockout punch!

I spent the rest of the day wondering what new thing might happen next that would require a money bath. Welcome to raising kids. The old saying goes “little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems” my new saying goes; little kids, little expenses, big kids, big expenses. When Mark told me later in the evening that one of the girls texted him that the check engine light had come on in their car, I just said “Of course it did!”

What good is this money we parents have if we cannot use it to keep our children safe and healthy? The truth is no matter how old they get I will be here when they need me and if it makes sense to help them I will. Money is not everything, but my kids are. Please know that I am not an enabler and if they are drinking or doing drugs I am not going to supplement their habits, but if they are making their way and hit a bump in the road and I can help them somehow, I will.

This does not mean that I won’t be a little frustrated at watching the cash fall one dollar after another into the sink hole. It can be a little sad watching money you have saved or money you have to borrow disappear faster than you can say “Money is not everything!” The good news is the car has great new tires, my youngest is out and about driving among all of you (watch for her) and my middle daughter will go off to college and hopefully get a great job to pay off the loan and my oldest is here at home getting back on her feet. Because money is not everything, but my kids are!



My newest driver



Summer is Getting Away

It feels like we are just starting to get the hang of this whole summer thing and already we are half way through…some of us are farther through then others since one month from today we will be moving Aly into her college dorm. Summer is getting away and I feel the need to grab a hold of it, dig in my heels and slow it down.

I still want to go to a great Farmers Market in our downtown area and take a day trip somewhere fun. I have been thinking a concert would be fun too, but that could just be a wistful thought since I am not a huge crowd person. I want to eat dinner somewhere overlooking the water and I also would like to go for a long bike ride with my family and do not ask me why, but maybe even visit our local zoo.

Of course many of these activities sound fabulous in my head but once you get our families cast of characters together it turns into total mayhem with some on board and others not, depending on the day and the activity. By the end of it all I am screaming in my head and out of my mouth because I was hoping for a lovely day with my family and instead end up disliking them all immensely.

Nothing can top last summer when we drove to Maine for my cousins wedding. Somehow I think there is a piece of me that feels a little cheated that we do not have that type of adventure ahead. We do have our annual trip to New York to visit our friends that live in Rochester, so the summer is not a complete wash out.

I suppose that Miss Whiny Pants also forgot about her weekend away with her husband not so long ago. Perhaps I should knock off the poor me where has summer gone nonsense and just jump onboard with what time we have left. I guess I will undig my heels, pack away my pity party and slip on my big girl panties and accept what is ahead in the time that is left. That is probably a more positive plan then this blah blah blah, I wish this, I miss that, I wanna, but I ain’t gonna, stuff.

So summer is up and running and I am doing my best to run along side of it. Care to join me? What is on your summer wish list?

Unexpected Words from the Heart

In your life you find there are times that an unexpected word of kindness or encouragement can change your entire day, week or month. Depending on who shares the words and when, the words can make all the difference in how you carry yourself or even in how you think of yourself.

On Sunday at Mark’s parents 50^th anniversary party Mark’s Aunt stopped me to chat. She began talking to me and asking how I was and suddenly she started saying this “I want you to know you are a good person and a hard worker, you are loved and appreciated and you need to believe in yourself.” Then as I stood there choking back tears she said “You are too hard on yourself and you do not give yourself a break.” and as if this whole thing was not surprising enough she added “I am not sure why I am saying these things to you, but you must have had to hear this”.

Mark’s Aunt is a strong Christian woman, while she and I are both faithful people, we show it in different ways. I am not a loud evangelist, I keep my faith quietly in my heart and try to live my faith rather than preach it. His Aunt is more forth right about her faith and while she does not hammer on others for not believing as she does, there is always an unspoken respect we all have for her “God will provide” attitude. This attitude and her love for family have been something I truly admire. As she spoke to me that day I honestly felt she was delivering a message meant just for me.

I found myself unable to stop the tears from pouring down my face as the reality of what Mark’s Aunt was saying sunk in. While some may think this crazy, I honestly felt that her words were as unexpected to her as they were to me and that they were a message from the heart. I am also comfortable believing that they were words that came from heaven to be laid on my heart as a reminder that I am loved and surrounded by love even when I cannot feel it here on earth.

This goes hand in hand with the most recent rash of compliments from strangers that help me believe that perhaps there are angels hoping to bring back my faith in myself. Regardless of how or why my heart was touched. I am also more aware that a simple unexpected word of kindness is all it takes to restore faith and hope. I hope you too will keep yourself alert for the message when it comes, because sometimes it is just unexpected words from the heart.

50th Anniversary

Yesterday we celebrated Mark’s parent’s 50^th wedding anniversary. This event puts life into perspective. Think about it, you like someone, you date them and you marry them and then you spend more time with them then you spend with anyone else in your life time. You have to have the ability to over look a lot of things and work through many more in order to last at least one year with a partner, let alone fifty years.

As I stood back and watched all the grandchildren talking and laughing together, I realized that these fifty years that Mark’s parents invested in each other was also a gift to all of their children. By staying together and walking the hard road they were able be an example to the rest of us of what is important in life.

Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in what is considered fair and look for the slights, but in the end we are all just out here trying to do what we can to make it to the pearly gates without too many blemishes on our record to explain. I know that Mark and I drive our kids crazy with our petty disputes and unreasonable expectations and frustrations with each other, but in the end we are always back on track and ready for the next go round. That’s life, you just make it work and no matter what, you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say “I did the best I could today”.

After fifty years I would say that my in-laws have their doctorate in relationships and while each of us lives out our relationships in our own way, they have something to offer us in being aware of the value of staying together if possible. Since I am on my second marriage I can say that I understand when things do not work, but I also realize after putting twenty years into my relationship with Mark that a good marriage takes two good people with good hearts and the desire to live life with each other even when it’s hard.

So here is to two good people with good hearts that have fought the good fight and won fifty years with their best friend. You just never know when you step into life how the story will end, but the fact that you gave it your all and did not walk away when it was hard makes you both hero’s. It was a good day yesterday and I was truly honored to be a part of their special day.

Gratefulness

I tend to look on the bright side. Not always but most of the time. I especially like to take something that is happening and turn it over and over in my mind and look at it in a variety of ways. Finding the bright side is not always easy but I do try.

Recently Mark (my husband) has been working hard at his new (since March) job. It has not been an easy transition since the new company has the work ethic that if the employee is happy than they are not working hard enough. This has made Mark stressed because he is working constantly, even after office hours on projects that he wants to succeed and he feels like he is basically treading water. He does not feel respected or appreciated and he basically feels beaten down.

This is not fun for Pollyanna (me), who wants to make him feel better, but is so angry with this company she cannot see straight. In desperation this morning, I asked if this was the entire company’s philosophy or just the manager he works for and Mark just said “I don’t know” in the voice of a broken man. All I could do was apologize for even bringing it up, I am sure he is even more frustrated and aggravated than I am and my disdain does not help matters at all.

This is a busy weekend for us. Mark’s family is all coming in to town for his parent’s 50^th wedding anniversary party and with Mark practically shackled to his job it makes it tough for him to visit with his family or even sleep when he is on the phone until 2:00 AM. I found myself this morning snarping away about all of this as I walked with my friend Pam (poor Pam!) and realized mid snarp that we are very lucky Mark has a job at all. I had become so caught up in all the frustration that I lost sight of the hooray moment just a few short months ago when Mark got the call that he had been hired.

Today, I have decided to sing a different tune. I am going back to my Pollyanna ways and being the supporting person I know I can be. I am grateful that Mark has this job during a time when so many are not working. I need to focus on that blessing and not on the negative. For now this is our reality and complaining about it will not change anything. So in the midst of sharing the joy of his parents 50^th anniversary I will be taking a few moments to be grateful for Mark’s job. This is how it works, I get a hold of a thought and turn it all around and realize I was wrong all along.

Married With Children

I am not sure when this happened, but I am completely and utterly STUPID! When my girls have talked to me lately (in fairness it is only the teenage branch of the children’s section) they end their comments with the word MOM. Example: “I did that already, MOM” or “I KNOW MOM”. Each time they speak to me it is like they are overwhelmed with frustration at how ridiculous I am.

I have had enough! I have drawn a line in the motherhood sand and I am reclaiming my right to be talked to like I know what the heck I am talking about. Driving around with my youngest as she practices her driving skills I hear the tone in her voice each time I correct her that says “stop blabbering about my driving, what the heck do you know”, I recently informed her that my (EEK!) 30 odd years of driving have given me the right to speak and act like I know a lot. Shockingly even more than a 16 year old…go figure.

I am also well aware of relationships, job troubles and bosses. I have been divorced, a single mother for a time, a working mother and a stay at home mother, let’s face it, in the current vernacular, I have “mad skills”. My point being, I am not STUPID!

Today I am married with children. I love my children and I know they love me and if I was vindictive, I would put the curse on them that my Mom had put on me… “Someday I hope you have a child that puts their knees in your furniture just like you do!” or “someday I hope your child talks to you that way”. Why did she do that? That was completely unnecessary, mothering is hard enough and she already knew that! Anyway, I am forgoing the curse and using good old fashioned stale mating, you talk to me like I am stupid and you are on your own…if I am so stupid, how can I possibly help them with anything else? Yes, I know this is passive aggressive behavior, but if I am going to skip the curse, what else have I got?

Full disclosure requires me to tell you that I most probably will not stale mate, I will try and then I will give in and step back into mothering mode, because that is who I am. I am a “MOM”. Thinking about it I am glad this is me, I am disappointed in the bad days with my kids, but it’s like golf one good drive or putt and I am ready to keep playing the game. The upside is that after a certain age they will finally understand that I was not the stupid one at all. Okay, maybe not, because I am still ticked at my “MOM” for that whole curse thing.

All in all I like being married with children. It is not an easy job, but every job has its dirty dishes and at this point if being thought stupid by my kids is my biggest worry, I guess I have it made. The fact that my girls think I am annoying with my advice and input (another word for nagging) is something that I will just turn the other cheek about for now. I am my Mother’s daughter and mess with me too much and I just might have a curse for you! So, keep your “MOM’S” to yourself and we will all get along just fine.

Relax, Rest, Repeat

Last weekend my husband Mark and I went away to a Bed and Breakfast for some rest and relaxation. We were long overdue for some time alone so we decided to take the bull by the horns and get out of here. One thing I know for sure since our getaway is, WE DON”T DO IT ENOUGH!

It was a great time to reconnect and relax. The bed and breakfast is on Lake Huron and you are shown to your room given your key and left alone. You are asked what time you want breakfast in the morning and in the morning you hear a gentle knock on the door and there is your breakfast waiting for you. They basically knock and run, so if you want to avoid people the entire time it can be possible.

There was a beautiful beach and gardens outside and Mark and I enjoyed some time sitting both places. We also went on an adventure since Saturday morning was a little cloudy for sitting on the beach. Marks family used to spend time camping and visiting his Grandparents in the area where the bed and breakfast was, so we ended up driving around and looking at places that Mark used to go to when he was little. It was a nice walk down memory lane and a great time to hear stories about his childhood.

Our next adventure was heading to a lumbermen’s monument in the forest area. It was beautiful there and we enjoyed taking in the natural scenery. It was a relaxing morning with some adventure a wonderful lunch and then time back at the bed and breakfast to relax some more. I was starting to get the hang of the relaxing and found myself perfectly content to sit on the beach and look up at the stars at night fall and watch random fireworks in the distance.

I am certain that this whole idea of getting away needs to be a prescription that doctors give their patients and insurance reimburses us for it, it was fabulous. I will not lie though Sunday morning I was already building up my anxiety armor and preparing to head home to all the fall darall and fiddle deedee that gets my panties in a twist on a daily basis.

You will be happy to know that I am back to my normally stressed, anxiety ridden self. The upside is that we rebooked to go back in the early Fall for one last shot of relaxing before the school year starts. Again, I really think this should be covered by insurance. If anyone has any pull about this, I request politely that you use it. Regardless, getting away is obviously helpful to my life with my husband and we will continue the practice of taking time for ourselves from here on out!

Beautiful Scenery

Relaxing



Deck with a view




Breakfast for two!



Post Trauma Looking for Drama

Lately I have been a very unfaithful author. Some of you may not have noticed and some of you may not care, but I am not the writer I once was. Somewhere along the line in these last few months I have emptied out my brain spout and I cannot seem to fill it back up. My drive to write about my relationship with my Mom is over and I feel that I have healed as much as I can there. There is also the ongoing, but finally slowing process of splitting ties with my Dad’s widow (choke, cough, and gag). In this ending of all things traumatic there is really nothing dramatic going on except the daily highs and lows of my family which while somewhat entertaining to me does not necessarily meet the daily requirements of drama for you the reader.

So today I am writing with a warning…if you are looking for an Enquirer type of salacious story you will not find it here. I am comfortable not having drama for a change. Do not get me wrong I am sure there is more to come (seriously it is still my life I know the drama has not ended). I also know that this change of pace is a good opportunity to write about less important but somewhat entertaining things like…the hobo pie sandwiches from last week. How fun was that?

Here is a fun morsel for you. Yesterday was the fourth of July and I was desperate to make a red white and blue dessert. I bought strawberries and blueberries and some heavy cream so that I could make homemade whip cream because I love how yummy it is. I also started the day by making a store brand sugar cookie because on Pinterest someone shared how fun sugar cookie tacos stuffed with whip cream and fruit were. You just bake and before completely cool fold over something slim and round to form your taco…yeah yeah yeah, whatever! I ended up packing up the cookie disaster and sending them with my daughter Aly on her camping trip with a girlfriend’s family. I did not want to keep the painful memory of my failed sugar cookie taco around.

Later I decided I would just use pound cake or angel food cake but after a quick trip to the store realized I had been side tracked by all the choices and left the store sans anything cakey. Because I am persistent person I decided a big bowl of red and blue fruit with homemade whip cream would be yummy, so I pull out the strawberries to start chopping and they were furrier than Santa’s beard. At that point I threw them (the strawberries) in the garbage and cried. I was just not going to have my red white and blue dessert, period end of story.

Cue the family tradition of sparklers. Because Aly was gone there were four dorks (Mark, Ashleigh, Avery and Me) doing dances and writing our names in the air while flames sparkled around us. We are not good candidates for lighting rockets and sending them into the air so for our group a sparkler is dangerous enough. Just the lighting of the sparkler turns into a military production with everyone worrying about being burned, how we will light them and “Where should I put the hot ones?” in the end, this simple act of silliness saved the day. It had all the makings of a good story too, excitement, danger and everyone happy in the end. Perhaps I will be able to keep you entertained yet. I hope so!

Ashleigh and Avery enjoying their forced holiday fun

Mark and I busting a move as we "sparkle" and no he is not
kicking me, we just have great moves together!