Enjoy the Ride

It is time once again to start thinking college tours. My youngest is speeding through her junior year and in less than three months we will be thinking about college, touring colleges, senior pictures and more. It is hard to believe we are here again. I just safely tucked my middle daughter in at her college and in a few weeks she will be returning home for the summer. As life marches forward I realize that as long as things keep moving forward, we are in a good place. I can stand back and wish things would slow down or I can just hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

I like being on this moving life target. Although much of my life right now is on a spinning wheel of should and have to, it’s a good life filled with events big and small that are continuous opportunities to wrap my arms around the ones I love and share their joy and sorrow. As these youngest children of mine grow, I think I am finally getting the idea of appreciating the time I have with them while I can. When my middle daughter was born my oldest was all ready 10, almost 11 and while her life had been my sole focus up to that point, I had to learn to add another love extension cord and then when my youngest came along I once again had to pull out another love extension cord. You would think that your love and your time would thin out, but it does not.

Somehow your love seems to refill and refresh. Your children no matter how big or small rejuvenate your love for them every day. I can go to bed exasperated and wake to a beautiful smile and hug from my children and suddenly my heart and strength are back better than ever. At this point in our lives together my children need as much from me as they did when they were little. Now however my help is more emotional than physical, the diapers and toys have faded away. I am in charge of propping them up and cheering them on and letting these young women know that sometimes what feels like falling down is really just growing up.

As I prepare for this new round of college tours and a home filled with two maturing girls, I know that although time feels like it is flying by it is really just circling around, like a good Merry-go-round should. I encourage you to jump on board, it feels bumpy at first, but once you get the hang of it, you just have to enjoy the ride.

WWW

I have spent a good part of this morning poking around the World Wide Web. I have planned a family trip for this summer, looked at possible diagnoses for someone’s symptoms, I have checked the weather, checked email and Facebook. I am completely connected to everything. I am in the know. Now I sit here wondering, why do I need to know so much?

On the one hand knowing every detail about everything is very handy. I can be my own doctor, learn how to repair a small computer problem and even see an aerial view of my house (that’s pretty cool). On the other hand I tend to spend way too much time staring into this computer screen and less time interacting with real people. I am happy just getting a casual overview of others lives by viewing their casual quips on Facebook, why bother with one on one contact, when you can stalk quietly out of view. I can say positively what is happening with someone I know without the benefit of a conversation. Actually the computer, IPhone and IPad are literally sucking all my time right out of me. I will say to myself “just one quick game of _______(fill in the blank)” and in no time at all, the electrical device of choice is running low on battery. There is quick access to any information I wish, but once I connect I cannot disconnect. I am really trying to limit my connection time to the Web, games and other social media locations but I am failing miserably.

How did any of us ever survive with only the television and telephone to connect us to the world? Seriously, I do not think there is any such thing as a secret anymore! The hard part is I sound all high and mighty, but I am guilty. I am guilty of living my life wrapped tightly to the information highway and although I protest, I really do not care. As a matter of fact I have an email to write and a Facebook message to answer and these things do not write themselves, at least not on my electronics. Perhaps on my next upgrade...anyway once you are in the know you cannot help but stay in the know, it’s a very comfortable place to be. I skipped a bunch of phone calls, went straight to the web and found a place to stay for our family trip this summer. Now I am going to check my email and see what the holdup is with some legal stuff and then pop over to Facebook and write a friend back. Hopefully if I finish all that quick enough I will allow myself a quick game of euchre on the computer. Did you laugh when you read “a quick game of Euchre?” I know I laughed when I wrote it. So, perhaps one day you and I will bump into each other as we surf the web. Be sure to text me “Hi” if you see me.

Perceptions

Someone shared another person’s comment with me recently that has me thinking a lot about perceptions. While this person meant well by sharing a thought someone else had about my family, it hit me hard. The comment was not unkind, but in the context of our conversation I realized that someone was judging their own family life and using my family as their bar. My family being the high bar and theirs well…

Here is the thing, my family is my family. We have our trials and we have our triumphs. An outsider looking in may not see all the cracks in our facade, but they are there. Basically we are not perfect and we all know it. There is a lot of pressure for everyone when you hold someone up as better than you. My personality is such that when I heard that someone felt less than because of my family I wanted to call them and throw out my laundry list of what is broken and needs to be fixed in my families lives. The truth is we are all broken none of us is perfect. Honestly wasn't that Gods plan?

How will we ever learn about others without the brokenness? How will we ever learn about empathy and compassion if we do not face the truths in all of our lives? There is only one perfect one and he died so we could live. Our broken pieces and our imperfections are what make each of us unique and special. While I cannot help but be flattered by the perception someone has of my family, it is important to know that it is not the truth. We are just as broken here as everyone else is. Our family has trials and sadness, we make mistakes and we say and do things we wish we had not but in the end we are a family of people learning how to be better people, just like you.

Perceptions are tricky so you have to be careful, because when you judge what you see, you are only getting one view. There is more to each of us than meets the eye and by setting your bar at another’s level, you just might be cheating yourself. God has a plan for each of us. He puts things in front of us that are unique to who we are, things, events and people that will hopefully make us better people and in the end the lessons are different for each of us. At some point we have all looked at someone and believed them better than ourselves. Isn’t it nice to know that they really are not, that they are faced everyday with their own set of challenges and their own bars to meet? It makes being kind and understanding to others a lot easier when you know that they are just as broken and vulnerable as you are.

No Accidents

It is a strong belief of mine that everything happens for a reason, there are no accidents, only life happening just the way it is suppose to whether we like it or not. I share this with you because this morning as I was writing what I thought was a pretty darn good blog, my computer spontaneously shut down to perform a Windows update without any warning at all. When this has happened to me before I have been able to restart the computer and locate my file which the computer wisely saved for me…not this morning, nope! This morning my almost completed blog was snatched into cyber space and no amount of cussing or teeth grinding is bringing it back.

I have to assume that what I was writing is best left floating out there and not on paper, or computer. I do not have the energy to try to recreate the flow I was on as I was writing what I thought was an awesome blog. Since everything happens for a reason, the way it is suppose to, I am going to let it go and move on. I can only hope that tomorrow new Pulitzer Prize winning writing pours from my finger tips and the cyber Gods deem it worthy of saving. For now, I am walking away frustrated and disappointed. It might not have been an accident, but it was definitely a punch to the gut and I need some time to get over it!

Some Moments Really Matter

This morning we woke up to a slippery inch of snow. It was expected, but I think all of us assumed it would be no big deal. We were wrong. That light layer of snow had the slightest bit of ice underneath and it has caused a lot of accidents and stress for many, including me, as I sent my family off for the day. 

Interesting to me though that what seemed like no big deal really was. Honestly, how often do things happen in our lives that at the time seem insignificant but later after reflection turn out to be more important than we realize. So often in our lives we are so busy being busy that we lose sight of the moments that really matter.

There are the quiet moments when you are sitting with someone you love just talking about your lives or the person with the full grocery cart that turns to you and says "That's all you have? Why don't you go ahead of me?" The day you run into someone you had been thinking about and had not seen in a while or a compliment that was unexpected but badly needed on a not so great day.

There are so many subtle moments that if we took the time could change our day or maybe even our life and they are all out there happening every single day. I feel challenged today to take a closer look at the tough stuff, the clouds if you will, and look for the silver linings. This slippery snow while difficult for driving is beautiful when the sun reflects off of it. I am feeling a bit cozy as I write because my dog (Roxanne) is curled up next to me, this makes me feel warm and loved which makes me feel loving in return. Some moments really matter.

Early Morning Wake-up Call

Happily sleeping, eyes closed and BAM I wake up. This has been the pattern for over a week now. Some nights it is at 2:00AM or 3:00AM and others nights it is twice starting perhaps at 11:00PM and then again at 2:00AM or 3:00AM. Wide awake with my mind racing through random life lists, things I have to do or things that I would like to do. Regardless of what it is that wakes me returning to sleep is allusive.

I am not sure why this is happening, but I do know that I am tired! I am also frustrated, and I know that I am not alone. Sleeping is the one thing that we all need and it holds much power over our lives. We are either hoping not to fall asleep or we are hoping to fall asleep depending on the circumstance and the hard part is that unless you want to take something to help you fall asleep, the whole process is up to your body. I am very happy with my body being in charge of my sleep as long as it follows appropriate normal sleep protocol, which in my mind requires us to each sleep at least seven or eight hours straight.

Part of me believes that because I carry lists of tasks in my head that I am awakened by either sudden additions or subtractions that subconsciously make their way into my sleep. Last night it was suddenly important that I list out what needed to be accomplished so that we could prepare Mark's current car to be handed down to our middle daughter and to fine tune the details of the pick up process of his new car. Now let me ask you this…why do I care at 3:00AM? What kind of crazy control freak am I?

I am very tired of the early morning wake up calls. Tired being the operative word here, as I am slogging through each day hoping to accomplish all the tasks on my list…you know, the lists I make in the wee hours of each morning? Today, I have my lists prepared, but zero actual motivation to accomplish anything. The trick today and everyday for the time being will be to make my way through my list while staying awake. No naps or resting allowed and no caffeine, nothing to encourage this bad sleeping behavior. I need my sleep back and these early morning wake up calls to end!!

Back on the Wagon

Back on the wagon this morning, the writing wagon that is. It is easy to get comfortable not having a set schedule and not having to rush to write so that you can accomplish your day's agenda. While part of me looks forward to writing, it is a big commitment, and some days like the last few it is not even possible. The other piece of the writing puzzle is how one day you can have words pour out your fingertips onto the page and then the next day or even a string of days you cannot even put two words together.

While I am back on the wagon today, my brain still is not running on full steam ahead. I find myself longing to be entertaining and interesting and instead I just feel boring and tired. There really is no hope for me today, I am not feeling well and trying to get back to "normal" is pretty tough.

The best I have today is that I started up my computer, went to the right section and wrote a few words. Although the writing is subpar, it is writing and I am just happy to have made the attempt to pull it together. Perhaps if I am feeling better tomorrow I will try again, but do not get your hopes up, I have a feeling it is going to take a little longer then that to climb n the wagon and stay on.