Happy Anniversary

My husband Mark and I celebrated 23 years of marriage on Saturday. To make the day special we started it off with a fight. Truthfully it was I who was mad so it was my fight and it started the night before. You see, I tried explaining to my husband that I did not like something he had said when we were talking with one of our friends. As hard as we try, we still have not learned how to have some of these tough conversations. I ended up going to bed very early because I was so mad and I worried I might say or do something that would make the next day our last anniversary.

Honestly, I do not know how you can love someone so much and still want to punch them in the nose. Perhaps it’s the love or passion that drives you to those over powering feelings. I personally struggle with how to communicate what I’m feeling in a way that truly expresses my feelings and also gets the actual emotion out without completely losing it. Let’s just say that I start talking about what is bothering me and my husband’s face shifts to a here we go again zone and I immediately become protective and defensive. Warning lights are going off on both sides of the table and I start getting agitated and so does he, it’s not pretty.

In the beginning of our relationship I thought it was my problem. I would blame my temper or think I was wrong. However as time has gone on I have realized that my man has some responsibility in how these talks go and I have been less willing to back down and take full responsibility for whatever the issue it is. After all, it takes two to tango, right? I just want to be heard and understood. I need to know that what I feel is important. It honestly doesn’t matter to me if I am right (Mark, tends to disagree with me on this point), I just want to have us both walk away feeling like we have expressed what we feel and we are resolved. That rarely happens.

The crazy part is, no matter what happens I always love him more than anything else. Even on our worst day, he is my best friend and love of my life. Frankly, I am better for knowing him and loving him. If it means we have a storm here and there, I’m willing to go through it as long as on the other side he is still standing by me. Twenty three years ago we took a vow for better or worse and we have stayed true to that promise and I am certain we will continue to for many years to come.