My New Beginning

It wasn’t long ago that my home was bustling with children going in all different directions. These days with one grown daughter working in Connecticut another living away at college and one recent graduate living home but working full time and enjoying a full load of activities after work, the bustling is not as often. I remember when my nest was officially empty and people would give me a sad frowny face and ask “How are you doing?” I never knew quite how to respond.

You see, I am doing great. I have not longed for more children or mourned my children moving on with their own lives, I have picked up my own life and I’ve been making a go at being me. I am not great at being me, but I keep trying. At one time I was immersed in my children’s lives, working at their schools and cheering them on in their activities. Now I have stepped back removed the safety restraints and they are flying solo. I still give advice but its different now, now the weight of what they decide to do is theirs to bear. My stake in the game is gone.

It’s a strange feeling when you swing from the bar and there is no net. I owed my children the chance to see what that is like. The freedom to decide and choose your own destiny is a freedom no one should be denied. For our American children it is often taken for granted. I have often been disgruntled about being the ambulance. You know the one that rushes in and saves the day after warning that something is a bad idea or the times you have given a thought or a piece of advice to the stiff stop sign arm with a loud “MOM” at the end. Now I say what I think and hug if I can and hope and pray that God has their back while I have mine turned.

Truth be told I say I’m great but deep down I miss the being needed as much as I was and I miss the constant reminders that mothering while tough is rewarding on many good days. Days, when you get it right and your child even tells you so or the days when you watch them succeed where they thought for sure they would fail. These days the reward is theirs and I can no longer hang on and claim some responsibility.

I am proud of the life I have and even more proud of the lives my children are building for themselves. I guess it is time for me to take a page from the books my girls have written and work on me. I have been dealing with a loud STOP sign arm of my own and honestly I think I am way more difficult than my children ever were. It is really and truly time for me. This all starts with a commitment to write more. Pouring my heart into words is what I love to do and its really time to get back at it. So for all of you I am asking… please stop the frowny faces I am fine. Being an empty nester is not my end, it is my new beginning.