AAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!

I am frustrated! After weeks of planning and excitement, I am not able to take my Italian class. I realized last night that I will have to miss two of the six classes. It really does not make sense for me to take the class now and I am very disappointed. Life is happening while I am making other plans again and I do not like it one bit!

There was also a trip back to the surgeon yesterday to have Aly checked out and it was confirmed that she will have to have her surgery in November, the week of Thanksgiving, which hopefully will mean Aly will not miss too much school during her recovery. The hard part is that Mark and I have been trying to plan for me to join him on a business trip, which now falls the week before the surgery is scheduled and I am worried that Aly will need to go into the hospital for blood tests or something the week before and I will not be home to take her or sign papers or anything else that might come up. I am feeling like a bad Mom (frownie face) for two reasons, leaving my daughter when she might need me, and putting my own desires above the well being of my daughter. This business trip is to Seattle, Washington and for as long as I can remember Mark has said to me "The next time I go to Seattle, I want to take you with me". Mark has come and gone to Seattle so many times that I started to think he was just tormenting me with the possibility, and it was just never going to happen. So here we are contemplating this hoping to make it work and something comes up to stop me in my tracks.

I worry an awful lot about being a good Mom. I think that since my own Mom was maternally challenged that I am always worried that I will show signs of this affliction. I also have the flipside of that worry that has me feeling frustrated and somewhat angry that I once again have to toss things that I want to do aside, at which point I say AAAGGGGHHHH! I am a walking example of frustration unleashed. I am short tempered and easily annoyed, walking around with a furrowed brow and my panties in a bunch.

I am planning to call the doctor today and see if there is anything I could do ahead of time to prepare for Aly's surgery. This would make my joining Mark (on this trip) a reality instead of another item on my dream board. As far as the Italian lessons, I am certain that is toast. Hopefully there will be another opportunity to take Italian lessons in the future. You know being a big girl is not as fun as it looks sometimes, keeping the best interests of your family in mind can really cramp your style.