Settle Down

Ok, maybe I let my frustration carry me away yesterday. I am over the whole drama thing but it is not going away, so I just need to settle down. Honestly, maybe what I should do is just call New Orleans sister and explain that what we are doing here is trying to get this situation (Mom's estate) under control so everyone can move on. The issue is that I am gun shy. I have put myself out there for her before and it has ended up biting me in the buttocks. I am just not sure of the right move to make here. Call her and get bitten in the butt or not call her and have a large chunk of butt removed, decisions, decisions!

 This whole drama has stepped in front of my quest for "the Me I want to be". Perhaps that is what has my panties in a bunch, my desire to just be through with all of this family drama. This scenario has been going on for a year and a half, and I am weary of it being constantly in my rearview mirror. However, there is the possibility that I might miss all the fun and frivolity when it is over. Who knows maybe I need this to remind me (continuously) to enjoy life and live in the moment. I am learning a lot about estate issues, and I have also decided that when I die if my kids fight over the little I will have left, I will haunt them. So, some good has come from this. I have also come to know my sisters that live here much better and I have come to love them and care about them even more than before. Looking for the good, helps me get through it all.

 Next week I start my Italian lessons that I wrote about a few weeks ago. I am nervous and excited to start my personal journey of fulfillment. This is in addition to my having 12 girlfriends over last night to play Bunco. I was nervous and apprehensive about having people over; I worried that I would not enjoy myself. I used to love having parties and inviting friends and family over, but in the last little while it has seemed over whelming and not worth the time and energy. I am happy to report that after a pep talk from my oldest daughter Ashleigh, I went forward with my plans and had a great time.

 I am working hard to live in the moment and not let this family drama drag me down. Several questions worry me though, what will I do when this is all finally over? Will I miss all of this turmoil? Have I grown accustomed to the feeling of anxiety and worry? Will I seek out ways to be a victim? Nah, that is not the way I want to live, I guess reality is that if I am living in the moment then I will be able to move seamlessly away from this time in my life because I will have a path to continue down. Now I just need to settle down and figure out what to do next. To call or not to call, that is the question…