Search and Rescue

It's no one's fault, I am just lost. Over a year ago I started the search for myself with a quest to understand what the perfect Mom was and now I am trying to unfold "The Me I want to be". The issue is that there is no tried and true method to finding yourself other than time and perseverance. You have to be willing to face the truth and walk through it. Yesterday, I realized I was on the other side of two of my truths.

 Both of these revelations came as Mark and I enjoyed a date night last night. The date was not anything overly ambitious; we just went to the Mall to poke around and then stopped at a favorite restaurant for dinner. On our way home we decided to stop at a cute new bar/restaurant for a drink and that's when the AH HA moments came pouring out. Mark and I were chatting about our life and some possible changes that might take place for us in the years to come, and I told him how dedicated I am to being there for my girls. I enjoy being able to take them where they need to be and help them when they need help without having to juggle a work schedule on top of it. I also like being home when they get home from school to ask the important questions like, "How was school? Anything happen today? Do you have any homework?" That was when it hit me, I like being a stay-at-home mom. I like what I do here at home and I would not trade it for anything. AH HA!

 Later in the conversation, we talked about our budget. We took a workshop a couple of years ago to learn how to budget and handle our money. We have been doing a fabulous job following the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University way, paying off our debt and working towards living a better financial life. The rub is that within that I have curtailed my shopping and spending on myself to the point that I just do not feel good about myself. I do not feel like the put together gal that I once was. I am working so hard to be a good steward with my money that I have let myself go. It is nothing that would stand out to others; it is more a feeling inside of me. On my favorite shoes, the heels are worn down, and my dresser drawer is full of old worn out tops that I hate to wear. My bathrobe I bought on the clearance rack for $7.00 a few years ago, and although I hate this bright orangey red fleece (totally unfeminine) thing, I do not want to spend the money to replace it. I am tired of stepping out into the world not feeling pretty. Even my comfy clothes for hanging out at home make me feel like an ugly blob. Last night as I talked to Mark I realized that my feeling good about myself requires a little more personal attention and some splurging. I did have to confess that I had already started to reclaim myself with some (very cute) purchases. This revelation may of course make you think of me as vain, but I had to be honest with myself that I feel best when I am comfortable in what I am wearing. That also means it is time for the orangey/red robe to go. Budget or no budget, I have to reclaim my fashion.

 The rescue is underway and the casualty will be on the road to recover very soon. I am not going to lie, I do feel a little embarrassed that this stay-at-home mom needs fashion to fulfill her, but I have been searching for the truth and the truth is what I found. Flat out no holds barred truth. I love being a stay-at-home Mom, but I want to look and feel good while I perform my maternal duties. This segment of the search and rescue is now complete. Now if you will excuse me, I have some shopping to do.