Siblings

Todays photo is the first day of school 2010

Left is Aly my Junior

Right is Avery my Freshman

(Don't they look happy?)

I was born an only child, and remained an only until the age of 23 (when my Mom remarried and I became stepsister to 3 girls). Being an only I tend to struggle with the sibling dynamic. Why do they laugh and talk and make plans together one minute and then fight like crazy the next. This scenario has amplified since my two youngest daughters are now going to high school together. One is quite type A and her sister accuses her of mothering her all the time. The other is very laid back and tends to not care enough about details which drives type A (and Mom sometimes) crazy. The issue is, that the house, is a hot bed of on and off hostility and you are never sure when the next battle will start. I am actually feeling that I now have a stress disorder.

 Immediately upon hearing one of the girls raise their voice, the back of my neck tightens up. Sometimes it is a jovial raised voice where they are laughing and talking and other times it is a "run for the bunker time" moment when the mean words start to fly and the girls become angrier and angrier and louder and louder culminating with a slammed door or stomping feet. My body has started becoming so tense that I am slow to react to their (most times) ridiculous brawls. Honestly, being an only is a disadvantage because even this late in the parenting game, my thought is still "Why can't we all just get along?"

 The other night when I had some of my friends over to play Bunco, my youngest sister brought along a friend of hers who happened to mention that she was an only child, so I asked her how she feels when her kids start to fight and she shared that she too struggled with the sibling dissention. I suppose as only children we fantasized about what our lives would be like if we had siblings and within that fantasy all was rosy with a cherry on top. Having been in the trenches with these two girls of mine for the last 16 years and also having their oldest sister in the mix at times, I now know there is no easy way to maneuver this. I am constantly accused of taking someone's side or not caring, it is never a winning situation for me.

 I had an interesting conversation with my youngest the other day, where she informed me that she needed to find herself. She felt like she had been dragged onto the family train of singing and acting. She told me she needs some time to sort this out, "Mom, why am I doing this? Is it because that is what Ashleigh and Aly did?" I could not answer her, since I am struggling with my own type of identity crisis at 50 years old. I did offer that she can take the time to find out what she wants to do, but that not wanting to sing or act solely based on the fact that your sisters did it is a quick way to sell yourself short. It is also not a good reason to be mad at your sister or fight with her. "She is just trying to include you so that you feel a part of what is going on at school."

 The honest truth is that no matter what I do or say this bickering one minute and skipping hand and hand together the next will be the story of my life for a few more years. The other thing I have to remember is that I should not get emotionally involved in their dramas, because moments later they are friends again and I am stilled ticked off by their behavior, cowering in the corner and trying to recover from another bout of Stress Disorder. Yes, that is me you see balancing on the tight rope trying to make my way to the other side of parenting without falling to the net. I have had a few miss steps, but over all I think I will be fine. The truth is by the time I figure out how to survive this, Aly will be off to college and I will be parenting my youngest. That is when I will probably drive her crazy by parenting her too much and she will be missing her big sister's two cents!