A New Normal

Yesterday my youngest sister and her family came for dinner. We enjoyed an afternoon of good food and heartfelt conversation. My sister and I talked about our kids and the challenges we are facing with them and every so often we would touch on the painful past. It felt good to not have that pain full on in our faces for a change. We were able to talk about lives in a somewhat normal way for the first time in a long time.

I use the term "somewhat normal", because it is a new normal of our real life mixed with a splash of occasional pain. Every so often we will learn some morsel of information from the ocean of paperwork that is surrounding us that reminds us that our life is still not 100% our own. We are all still victims of a mistake that was never meant to happen. This disaster that started over a year ago now is still randomly beating us down and reminding us that we have a ways to go to get back to what we knew as normal, if that ever even happens. We may just have to learn to live in the new normal.

The new normal has taught us that even the for sure things in life are never a sure thing and that trust is sometimes given too easily and to the wrong people. As my sister and I spoke yesterday, she shared with me that she felt that I had been gracious and giving throughout this ordeal. She also commented that she was humbled by how open handed and understanding I had been. While I thanked her for the compliment, there was a small piece of me that felt uncomfortable. I have only done what I know to be right. There is no gain to come from hoarding and smacking hands yelling "Mine, Mine!!" It is best that we move through this open handed. That is what my heart knows as normal and that is how I wish to live. There is no compliment needed for living my life the way I know in my heart is right.

I look forward to more time with my sisters and I also look forward to walking through this maze of deceit and hurt and coming out on the other side with an open heart and mind. I have forgiven my Dad for the mistakes he made which has made this journey much easier and I have also spent time reflecting on my Mom and genuinely learning to appreciate and love her idiosyncrasies, I have to because I now realize that I am more like her then not. I also realize that no matter what someone else thinks normal looks like, normal changes and you have to learn to adapt. There will always be a new normal.