Frenzied Reality

These days we have a house full of frenzied, stressed and sleepless people. Mark is still searching for employment, Aly has been accepted into two state colleges and is waiting to hear from two out of state schools, plus making her way through the final few months of school and maintaining her GPA so that she ends on a high note and I am still in the middle of the estate issues with my Mom's trust. Avery is just happy and oblivious to all of it and sleeps quite well thank you very much.

Mark has interviewed consistently and it seems like this is more about finding the right fit right now. There was a temporary lapse into depression when one company said that Mark would not fit into their corporate culture. That put Mark into a nose dive and we had a couple days of intense moodiness. My response was "You would not want to work somewhere where there was a "corporate culture" anyway". The whole idea of them telling someone that made me happy that job fell through. Over all he is constantly searching and calling and emailing, so in time something will come up. We are blessed that financially we can hang in there a little longer, but it makes for some tough sleep cycles when you are constantly worrying about a job and financial security.

Aly seems pretty sure of the school she wants to attend, but she really does not want to throw in the towel until all her options are laid out which seems like it will be the first part of next month. She is working hard to do well in her advanced placement classes because if she passes the end of the year tests that could mean she can take those credits with her into college. In addition Aly is in the spring musical. She did not receive a lead role, which we all feel is best since her school load is so heavy, but there was still some disappointment since this is her last show of her senior year. Regardless she is in the show and practicing everyday and she will end the year with all of her theater friends. Sleep seems to be hard to get for Aly as well. She seems almost unable to shut her brain down. There are still a lot of decisions to make and plans to finish before the end of the year. On one high note we have found her dress for prom and chosen the date for her graduation party so we will just keep moving forward. Who needs sleep, it is over rated.

As for me, well I am riddled with anxiety because I am faced with a trip to New Orleans. My sister and I are headed there soon to handle some estate business. This will be my first time back since the "Thanksgiving from hell 2009". As it stands right now we potentially have several meetings and possibly (most likely) a walkthrough of our parent's home where we will be gathering items that belonged to my mother and grandparents. That is if the items are still there. I have discussed with my sister that I have no need for these items in my life now, but she believes we are doing a disservice to our family if we allow the widow to have them. I am a giant knot of anxiety and do not want to have a throw down with the woman that ultimately destroyed our family. She was like a tiny Trojan horse into my parents lives and while I have forgiven the actions and moved on, my heart still hurts when I think of all of it. Somehow I think being in the house and seeing what she (Widow Woman) has done to it could put me over the edge. Sleep is full of restless dreams and waking throughout the night.

There is a frenzied reality here at Casa Crazy. We are all working hard to maintain the look of normal for everyone else's sake. Something is going to have to give soon or we will end up being carted away to the funny farm. The saying goes "fake it until you get it", but for us it is "frenzied and sleepless" until we get it.