Birthdays

One of my birthday gifts...look familiar?

Birthdays

The last few days have been a whirlwind of activity. We made our way to the state university for scholarship exams with Aly on Friday and Saturday, and then home to celebrate my birthday on Saturday, with my family on Saturday night. In addition there was the Super Bowl and a very feeble attempt at a family party and the fact that I am still fighting what seems to be an attempt by my body to fight my surgery stitches.

 Today I would like to focus on birthdays…

 There is a point in your life when all the hoopla about the day you were born seems less important. For me I think it might be now. As a rule our family usually makes a favorite meal for the birthday person and we celebrate with gifts and time together as a family. This year I decided I wanted to eat out with my family and that is what we did. It was nice to be out with my younger girls and Mark (I had a chance to have dinner with Ashleigh the night before, since she lives near where Aly and I were for the week end). We laughed and talked and shared

 Alright…blah blah blah my birthday, here is the truth. Birthdays for me were always a day filled with high expectations. For whatever reason my Mom was great about birthdays and Christmas, those were the two times a year where I actually felt special and important. Here I am at the ripe age of 52 and I still (or at least in the past I did) expect those two days to be knock it out of the park fabulous.

 Mark was always under the gun to hit the expectations bar at a very high level. He had no idea what a pain I was about birthdays and Christmas until it was too late and I had sucked him in with my charm. Now he (Mark) works feverishly to please me (as he has been trained to do) and I am grateful and thrilled at the thoughtfulness and effort. But here is the issue. Now, my husband is trained and I am freaking out because I feel his thoughtfulness and generosity are more then I deserve.

 Each holiday and birthday I now sit all slumpy and sad because I am receiving wonderful thoughtful gifts and attention and I am full of guilt. What gives? At this point Mark is ready to scream, because he is pulling out all the stops and I am looking at him and saying "You shouldn't have, it's too much!"

 Now with Mark laid off and our money stream significantly…Okay, completely cut, he is still jumping to meet the bar, I am asking him to stop and we stand in this game of thoughtfulness chicken. Mark works diligently to please, I appreciate with guilt and sorrow and we both stare at each other wondering how to fix this without hurting the other.

 I love my husband. I love his kindness and desire to please me. I am very lucky to have a man that is always working to make our marriage and relationship his first priority. To me that is the best gift of all. The stuff is not going to last as long as our relationship will. The memories of the things we do, the talks we have and the time with our children in the end will be the gift to us both. I also realize that now that he is up and running with his thoughtfulness and generosity I should not try to stop him. The hard part for me will be excepting the thoughtfulness and generosity with grace.

 As of last Saturday, I am 52. Maybe, I am finally getting it. I am well over the half way mark in my life and I now (finally) realize that the two days a year (Christmas and my birthday) are not what matter most. It is the everyday, day in and day out hard work of relationships and life that in the end will be lasting and memorable.