Deserving

The last four days have been none stop. Thursday we prepared to leave for New Orleans to take care of estate business. Each day from there was long and tiring as my sister and I talked to our lawyers, bankers and realtors and then went to our parent's home to reclaim our rightful family heirlooms. I should note we were only allowed to have what belonged to my mother. Anything that was my Dad's no matter what it was we have no right to it. Everything of my Mom's that we collected is now safely stored in a secure storage unit until we can arrange to bring everything home with us.

 Mark (my husband) ended up going with me at the last minute, which helped with the stress and anxiety knowing I had him to lean on throughout the weekend. My sister and I feel good about the trip. Our visit inside our parent's home was surreal. Some things were the same inside, but it was difficult to see the changes that had been made and the lack of love and personality that the house was now missing. In the end the blessing was that there was no confrontation, we were all calm and respectful.

 We are determined to move this estate mess forward, my Dad had a responsibility to my Mom to take care of all of these things after she died, but he did not and now here we are it is almost four years since she (my Mom) died and we are still trying to reclaim what is rightfully hers. The large amounts of pain, disappointment and turmoil that have been caused by one man's greed and narcissism are unbelievable. In retrospect this is how Adolph Hitler, Saddam Hussein and Muammar Gaddafi all began, the rise was fast with a hunger for power and money, but the fall was painful and bloody for everyone.

 The lesson seems to always be the same throughout history. One man believing that he knows all and deserves much never ends well. The words of my Dad at the family meeting where our dad disowned all of us Thanksgiving 2009, (seven months after my Mom died) are still burned in my memory, "Don't I deserve to be happy?" he asked us. To this day I continue to wonder at the thought process that one person believes that they should have more happiness than anyone else.

 I find that to truly appreciate happiness you must share it. A beautiful sunset or meal is even more wonderful when shared with others. Life its self is more joyful and blessed when shared with family and friends. I cannot begin to imagine feeling that I alone deserve something more than anyone else based on my life. I can guarantee there is someone out there in the world that has lived a harder life then me. I have no right to deem myself more worthy then another to have happiness, financial peace, love or a home.

 I am grateful to be home. I am grateful to have my family and the life that I am living. I am also grateful for the life lessons this experience has offered me. I am exhausted, but I am also more blessed and more honored having spent the last few days with my sister and being reminded that in the end it is not about one person and their happiness, it is about family and honoring each other and doing what is right. No one "deserves" to be happy, it is not a right, no one else can give you happiness, it is actually much simpler then that. Once you are happy with yourself and your life in whatever form your life takes, you have discovered the secret.



A tree in downtown New Orleans covered with beads
that were thrown during last Tuesday's Mardi Gras Parades.