Day 356 The Perfect Mom Project

In 1978 I was preparing to graduate from the drug program my Mom had sent me to. Just to refresh your memory, I was not a drug user at the time I was admitted, but my Mom was told (by the program) that my behavior exhibited all the signs of someone who had the potential for drug use…whatever! Anyway, I had been in the program since April 24, 1974 and I was thrilled to finally be graduating. In order to graduate, you had to write out a five year plan. You were to write out in detail how your next 5 years would play out. This was a difficult task for me I was a senior in high school, and I was still having a tough time deciding what to wear every day, so trying plan out the next 60 months of my life was no easy feat.

 Needless to say nothing that I set out in my plan ever actually happened. Sadly, I never went to college, which was one of the biggies in my plan. Life grabbed ahold of me and I just never had the money or support to get my dream of college off the ground. That being said, I still believe that everything happens for a reason, and I ended up married with a beautiful baby daughter that I adored. I was also faced with a failing marriage to an alcoholic husband who was the most believable liar I have ever known and I was devastated. I did not know how my life would unfold and where to turn; I was very freightened of where I would go and how this would all end for Ashleigh and me. As I sat talking with my Mom about my concerns, she said "In five years, none of this will matter".

 As I look back now, I see that her words rang true. I also see that the five year rule became my life. Each time something difficult rose up before me, I would remind myself that I had a mere five years until this too would fade. I have even quoted her sage words to my children from time to time. The other day as I contemplated the last year and a half of my life and all the zigs and zags it has taken, I realized that I have a mere three and a half years left (of the saga that has unfolded in my family) for this to be on my radar screen. My hope is that the memories of the hurt of the last 18 months will fade more quickly than that, already I am more relaxed and less stressed about everything that transpired, but I still find myself trying to understand why they happened, and why my Dad obviously hated me so much. I am looking forward to the time when I can think of this time as a life lesson and nod and smile about it.

 In five years, my youngest will be in her first year of college and my middle daughter will be in her third year. My oldest daughter will be continuing to amaze me with her gifts and talents. As for me, I will be enjoying my life with the love of my life, Mark, and waiting to see as always what the next five years will hold. I am so grateful that my Mom shared those wise words with me when she did. At the time I had no idea how profound they were. I just knew that 60 months was a long time, and that you sometimes set out on a journey and the path does not lead to the place you planned on. God's GPS is not set on our direction, it is set to his and that makes everyday a new adventure.