Someone Else’s Image

Has anyone ever said something to you about how you look or how you act that has stuck with you, a meaningless and sometimes hurtful comment that when you look in the mirror or attempt a task, you remember the comment all over again? Someone else's image of you that becomes part of the definition of who you are and even though you know better you add this to your personal definition of self.

When I was a young girl I had many people defining me, my Mom had told me "You would be taller if you did not have so much turned under for feet". Some kids in my middle school called me Zitzinnie, Zitzilla and endless names that pointed out the fact that I had terrible acne. I also had coworkers in my adult life that called me uncomplimentary names because I took the work I did very seriously and when I stood my ground about my expectations of doing my job well, I was mocked and talked about behind my back. Each hurtful thing that was said was tucked away and became part of my own of definition me.

I had a tough time trying on shoes as I grew older because I let my feet define me. Never mind that everyone else must be that size too since the stores seemed to be out of it when I found a shoe that I liked. My face, well…that defined me too. It has taken years for me to be comfortable looking in the mirror. I lift my head up from the sink and wonder at this face. I see every scar that's on my face and I feel each and every scar on my heart, left behind by children trying to feel better about whom they were by pointing out perceived flaws of another. Finally, I also carry the weight of being misunderstood, judged by others because as a single mother at the time my concern for keeping my job kept me tied in a tight knot unable to "relax" or "take it down a notch" as my coworkers would say.

I believe that once we can identify our true self it is easier to release someone else's image of us. Finding ourselves and identifying who we truly are is no easy task, realizing that another person's vision of us does not have to be our vision, and also realizing that we can always be different or better. It is never too late to let someone else's version of who we are go and grab hold of who we want to be. Several hundred pairs of shoes later I am comfortable with the feet I have. I am also happy that I can finally look at myself and see who I really am through my own eyes and not those of hurtful children. Last but not least I have learned how to be a better leader. I now realize that although my coworkers were not kind, there was something there for me to learn.

Someone else's image of us does not have to be our own image. Embracing each and every part of ourselves and learning to love those parts is not easy, but the work to get there is worth it! Feeling happy and confident, beautiful and strong no matter what we hear from others is no easy matter, but why do they get to define us? Take the time today to take a good look at yourself and think about all the great things that make up who you are and be kind to yourself. All of those great things that make up who you are should be your definition of self and you have my permission to let someone else's definition go.