Fear

I am afraid. It's a normal feeling and one that we all have, but being afraid is like a stop sign in your brain. Once you are afraid you stop moving forward and sometimes you run backwards. We have all seen those movies where the main character is in a stressful fearful situation and they panic. As this character is making an obviously poor choice we find ourselves screaming at them in our heads or out loud "NO, What are you doing?" At that moment we lose all faith in this person for making what we consider a very poor decision. I have decided to come out about my fear in hopes of facing it and not allowing the fear to control my thoughts. Maybe this way I can move forward and make smart choices instead of being the one hearing "NO, What are you doing?"

You see I find myself fearing that I will be facing down Alzheimer's disease. I watched what Alzheimer's did to my Mom slowly changing her life and the lives of all of us who loved her. I could feel the grip it had on my Mom before she ever even had signs of it because I could see her fear. She worried, she read and she talked about the possibility of Alzheimer's until she had herself convinced that it was coming for her and then it did. My Mom walked right into its frightening path while we all stood by yelling, "No, what are you doing?" Fear stopped my Mom from living the good life she had and kept her frozen in place waiting for her adversary to take her over.

I have chosen to face my fear, I am not going to run and hide nor am I going to focus on my fear. I plan to walk with it and use my fear to keep me motivated to be the best I can be no matter what course my life takes. The truth is whether you are afraid or not life marches on and I fully intended to stay focused on what fear can help me do rather then what fear can take away from me. I do not want to sit idly by while fear shoves me into a corner that I cannot get out of and then spend the rest of my life waiting for the end.

Regardless of what happens, I would like to think that my remaining fearless within my fear is a better choice then succumbing to its power. My fear is that I will let fear win. I fear that my heart will turn when I am feeling weak and I will let fear be in charge of my destiny. The truth is fear is very strong and when we are weak it can change us into people we do not know and sometimes do not like. I refuse to let my fear of fear to run my life and instead I am choosing to set it to the side and allow my fear to keep me motivated.

I intend to move forward. I will not be the one stepping into the path of my foe and allowing it to control my life. Whatever my destiny is, I intend to be a participant. I will not become frozen in place by the fear and allow it to overtake every moment. I am not going to go backwards, instead I intend to grab a hold of my fear and allow it to sling shot me towards living life well as long as I can and believing that this is a good decision. I am just going to take down this stop sign in my brain and work on building a roundabout.