Therapy

My year so far has entailed some challenging events. My Aunt Nina who made me laugh and told me stories about my family (her version, not necessarily the correct version) and also made me want to pull out my hair passed away. I became her executor in addition to the executrix position I already held for my Mom's estate. Aly had a second surgery to repair her tailbone since the first one did not take. In an act of self love my daughter Ashleigh left her husband and after no real attempt on his part to repair their marriage they divorced. Next there was my surgery and then the news we had been waiting for…Mark was laid off. This all came on the heels of losing both my parents one right after the other like a couple of dominos.

I may have missed a few things like all the phone calls about estate this or that and knock down drag outs with my daughter Ashleigh as I tried to wrap my head around what was happening in her life. There were the hours of crying over my Mom, Dad and Aunt dying. The worry about Aly healing, there was the endless stress about Mark finding a new job. There was the random daily child rearing dilemmas and the marriage dilemmas caused by my spiral away from reality into a humor sucking belief that I was never going to get back to the life I loved and be happy.

With all of this hanging out there I have decided to return to Therapy. That's right I am heading back to the couch and letting someone else sort out this mess in my head. I can no longer allow myself to feel this way. Therapy is not new for me I have been in one form of mind sharing or another since I was fourteen years old. This does not include the short time when I was younger and my Mom "got me some help" by taking me to a therapist and then would interrogate me all the way home and tell me why what I said was not right. As you read this you are probably thinking "What a whack job, I cannot believe I read her blog!" but let me assure you that to this day I believe that the therapy saved me from killing myself, killing my Mom, doing drugs and giving up and not caring about anyone or anything.

I actually highly recommend inviting someone into your private thoughts. It can be horrible throwing your inner most thoughts and pain out there for someone else to poke at and talk about, but it is worth every uncomfortable conversation when you finally feel like you can let yourself off the hook a little. It also helps me realize that my life with all its drama is really what life is about. I can throw all the icky uncomfortable stuff in a therapy blender and make it into a delicious acceptable life smoothie. It sort of like throwing spinach in your kid's fruit smoothie so that they do not know you are trying to make them healthy. Once it is all blended up you never know it is there.

So today I am off to blend a few deaths and estates, a little divorce (not mine, but since I really cared about the jerk that was mean to my daughter…I now have issues!) some surgeries, an unemployed spouse and a few other things tossed in for spice. I am looking forward to creating a delicious cocktail smoothie with a side of sanity. Therapy by the way is not clean or easy or pretty (there is always an ugly cry involved!) however, it is worth every minute and every dollar you spend to be able to suck down your life smoothie without gagging!