Hostile Circumstances

Money does strange things to people. Money can make life so much easier and at times not so easy at all. Right now I am the executor of two estates, my Great Aunt Nina's estate (who passed away last May 2011) and my Mom's estate (who passed away in May 2009). I know what you are thinking, "Wow, both in May?" Let me add to that that my Dad died in May of 2010 and you have the making of a movie of the week. Anyway back to the money thing.

In both of these estates we have enough characters to take that movie of the week and turn it into a miniseries or with a really good writer it might even make a good series. I have learned that people believe that the executor is the bad guy or gal in this case. You are working to make sure that the wishes of the deceased are honored and you have an heir beating their chest about mundane issues that have no bearing and making an already tough job more difficult. Mix in old family drama and wounded feelings and you have yourself a giant estate noose that tightens and loosens based on the heirs and their complaints.

In one case the heir is ticked off because a check that was sent was lost in the mail. I will give you the fact that it is aggravating and frustrating, but making demands and saying unkind things is going to turn against you, when people begin to catch on to your tactics and decide not to run around frantic when you fly off the handle. In another case the heir is suspicious and feeling out of the loop about things that are out of our control. Old family dynamics are rearing their ugly heads and assumptions are being made on every side that are not true.

In the end it is all about M-O-N-E-Y. Here is the thing, money will not find the missing check and money will not fix the hurt feelings or change the family dynamic. The people involved have to do the fixing and as long as one side is beating down the other side all you will end up with is a hostile circumstance that includes finger pointing, berating, and very hurt feelings. This is not an ideal working environment for anyone, even a lowly executor.

I tell my girls all the time that we are always where we are suppose to be, that God has a plan and we must see it through or we will face the same plan in a new and different (or more challenging) way. Our job is to learn what we are supposed to learn and move on. This is what I have learned so far;

• You get back what you give out, mean creates more mean
  
• Money is not the root of evil, the love of money is
  
• An inheritance is a gift…when is the last time you yelled at someone when your gift was lost in the mail?
  
• When God has a plan for you, you had best show up and ride the wave because some lessons you do not want to learn twice!
  

I made myself a promise this weekend to hold my head high and believe that (as I always have) I am honoring the memory of my heirs by performing this service. I cannot allow the hostility of people who have not walked through their life lessons yet to make me hostile too. Money does strange things to people and it somehow makes some people lose sight of what really matters. I am working hard at trying to keep my head above the hostility and getting these estates resolved and distributed, believe me that will be the best thing for everyone involved. In the mean time I am learning some great negotiating skills.