A Matter of Opinion

I had a conversation with someone today and they shared some detailed frustrations about their step-child. My first reaction was to listen quietly and let the person vent. After several moments of venting I could tell that this was not your usual frustration with your kid kind of stuff, this was full blown hostility about issues that never seem to resolve themselves. This person was feeling underappreciated, unsupported and disrespected and they were past caring anymore.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not able to keep quiet when something is on my mind. If I have an opinion (and I always do) I share it. This might not be the best practice but if I do not share it I will end up like the person I was talking to and that is not OK with me. If I am upset or frustrated or mad it is important that (if possible) I resolve the issue as quickly as possible so that we can all move on. Listening to the frustrations and hearing how hard the person had tried to resolve the issues they were having with this step-child and how long they had been asking for support and how long they had not been getting it, promptly turned me from a listener to a talker…OH BOY, here we go.

Here is what I said and how I feel about parenting:

Parenting is work, it is not easy and it is hard enough figuring it all out, let alone trying to rally the troops for back up. At some point you have to give up the expectations that the support team is going to jump in with support. If they have not started supporting by now, you are on your own and you better start figuring this out before you end up in a PON (Parents Out Numbered) camp. To me it does not matter whose child it is, as long as they are in my care, my rules apply.

Carrying around this hostility is not okay, you have to put this child on notice that you are not the one that is going to be frustrated and unhappy anymore. The tables are turning and it is time for the discomfort to be on them. Yes, it is a lot of work and yes you are aggravated beyond belief and feeling all alone dealing with this little twerp, but you must care or why are you so frustrated? You are an important part of this kid's existence and honestly, maybe some in their face honesty is in order.

Every parent runs into days where they are ready to run away from home, and there are days when we look at our kids and even our spouses and really do not like them all that much, but when you realize that you do not like them at all, EVER, that sounds like this is more than just a little hump to get over. Sanity in parenting is a moving target and hope is fleeting many days, if where you live and who you live with is no longer your safe place to fall, what do you do?

My best piece of advice is that as parents we have to put on our own oxygen mask before we can help our kids. This person is in dire need of some self care and I am hoping they will take the time to pull back and take care of themselves. I talk tough, and honestly my kids have pushed me to the edge many times but I have never looked down the barrel of a difficult child. I was however a tough child and I hate to admit it now, but the thing that hit home the most for me was when someone, not family and not a friend, but someone outside the picture looked in and said "Hey, that might be okay at your house, but here, that is not okay!" "If you are going to behave that way you will have to go home." That was it no bye see ya later…nothing just a hit the road and that was it. That person essentially threw cold water in my face and said "wake up stupid, you are an ass!" and I remember it to this day.

All of this is a matter of opinion, my honest opinion. I have no idea if I am right, I just know that as parents we have to link arms and help each other through the raising of our children, because if one of us fails, a child fails too.

What's your opinion?