Since last Wednesday I have been at my family's mercy. I have been recovering from outpatient surgery and my family (mainly Mark my husband) has been taking care of me and keeping up with all my household tasks. Here is the rub…it is driving me crazy! I am not sure what hurts more, the surgery that I am recovering from, or watching my family live without my "help".
They are capable and I know they do not have to do things like I do, but letting go is very hard for me to do. In the last few days the fact that my family rarely wipes off a counter or pays attention to the stuff they carry in on their shoes, like leaves and mud is driving me insane. I know considering the overall picture I am being quite petty, but when you are unable to jump in and get everyone on track and you are also somewhat delirious from pain medication everything seems to magnify it's self. A tiny leaf becomes a giant concern and I cannot seem to "let it go" as my Mom used to say.
I am also unable to be the loving thoughtful appreciative wife I should be. My husband could have stuffed me in our bedroom and checked on me randomly, but he did not. He would tote my pillow back and forth to the living room and back to the bedroom. He helped me shower, cooked dinner, grocery shopped and attempted the task of parenting our girls without back up, yet there I sat focused on the tiny leaf and now the small fluff of dog hair that no one else was attentive to.
In my mind I was frustrated that no one was attempting to do things the way that I do them. If everyone would please just take a moment and look at the leaf on the floor, PLEASE! Does it look bigger to you? I swear there is practically a waste dump developing in that spot! The EPA (Environmental Protection Agency with the accent on the mental part), is going to stop by and take a swab off my kitchen counter. There is most certainly a disease that is incubating there. Why is it that I am the only one that can see that there are serious health issues at stake here? Obviously, I need to recover quickly and take back control; someone has to be in charge here.
Years ago in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding they discuss how the woman is the neck of the home, and while it seems a bit chauvinistic, I realize now that I am the neck. I am also a giant pain in my family's neck. I can tell by their reactions to me that they expected nothing less than my complete unwillingness to submit to their control. They have remained calm (well except for some random under their breath growling) when I have repeatedly mentioned the tiny issues that were of great importance to me. In addition Mark has been the best wife any woman could ask for. While I have expressed concern here and there the last few days about how they would all make it without me, I actually know that they would be fine. I have no reason to expect them to have to make it without me, but the dramatic side of me was compelled to at least throw that card on the table.
Now thinking back, I realize that my family was at my mercy with my irrational need to make sure everything runs like it does when I am at my best. They have held up well without my "help" and in spite of my input. Over all I am the neck and the pain in the neck that keeps our family running, but in a pinch my back up team can handle my little bit of crazy eyed input and still come out in charge.
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