Enough is Enough

I think I get it now I am to be seen and not heard. You want me to be there for you, but not say too much. I should be interested and excited for what you are doing, but you do not need to be that way for me. I need to be attentive and caring and follow through for you, but you are not going to do that for me and I have no right to expect it. I also am not allowed to point out that you let me down. I understand now.

Is it possible that I have allowed all of this to go on this way because it is so familiar to me? When I sit back and reflect, I realize the comfort in this is that it is very much like my relationship with my Mom. It makes sense that I would look for that somewhere else. It makes sense that I would build a relationship that requires me to jump up and down trying to be noticed. It makes sense that I would want to work so hard in hopes that you will like me because I have done this my whole life.

Well, enough is enough, I am waking up to the fact that, no matter who you are, you are doing what works for you and I…well, I have to do what works for me. I do not want to continue living within the same four walls of my psychological drama. I need to find me in here and drag myself out. I cannot continue to work so hard to make others happy when I am not. I love you, but I have to love me more.

I have taken the heat for this relationship enough, and I am asking you to look at your part. What can you possibly do to take responsibility for your part in all of this? Is there a chance that your mind tells you that you want this relationship but your heart tells you that you do not? Would it be possible to keep going as we have without being resentful? Please do not think this relationship is unique? It seems that you are not alone I have created this scenario throughout my entire life. I am probably a therapists dream.

I realize that I am just as responsible for the way things have been and I am willing to do the work to change this. The question is are you? Is there a chance that I am just not worth the trouble? Please do not kid yourself into thinking this is all me. Your part is just as profitable for a therapist. Your demands are high and your return is limited which leaves me to constantly question my worth. As I said previously, I love you, I do not want to lose you but if I must let go I will. I understand that sometimes enough is enough.