The Search

I have had this feeling for a while. This weird empty "not sure but something is not quite right feeling". I have talked about it and thought about it. I have considered reasons why I might feel empty, could it be "I should get a job" or could it be "I need to get more involved" or could it be that "I am ready to enter a new chapter in my life". Whatever the reason, I find myself feeling very ready to except a new life direction.

I have no agenda or plan of any kind, just a wide eyed open need to fulfill myself in some way. How do you do this? How do you fill the emptiness when you are not even sure how? I am nervous about investing myself in anything and then becoming overwhelmed on the one hand, but on the other hand if I spend much more time feeling like a helium balloon (light, airy and drifting) I will end up floating away.

How do you begin to search for your meaning? Where do you look? I am ready to be filled and not empty, but by being empty it leaves me open. This empty feeling is helping me keep my eyes and heart open to what might be waiting out there for me. Since this is a search, it would probably be best f I also consider that the answer could be right here within me. Maybe there is no need to search at all.

For now I am content pondering this "not quite right" feeling. In time a plan will unfold that will end my search and fill the emptiness. It always seems that you want to be calm when you are busy and busy when you are calm. If I am patient maybe I will find that place where I am just right and everything is as it should be, not too busy and not too calm. This search could possibly be an opportunity to learn more about myself and grow. One thing I know for sure is we are never done evolving and growing so perhaps within my search I am learning that there are times of "not quite right" to keep us learning about who we are.