Anvil

What is this feeling? It is a cross between doom and gloom with a little anxiety mixed in. We found out last week that Mark will need to start looking for another job. Sounds like fun in the depressed job market, right? The company that he works with has moved their division out of state and we did not want to move. The division of the company that is still here has nothing for him. He is still working, but we are not sure how long that will last perhaps a few months or worst case a few weeks. It feels like an anvil is teetering on a cliff above us and may or may not fall.

I am not taking this well at all. When my car battery died yesterday I told Mark I was sure that we were cursed. It has been one thing after another lately. Nothing extraordinarily bad, just a lot of stressful annoying things that keep you feeling pushed down. Sort of like you are on a wrestling mat and your opponent has you pinned and will not let you up even though the referee has counted and declared the match over. There's that anvil rocking back and forth precariously overhead.

The truth is I have in my mind that I have done something that has caused us to be in this position. I am convinced that my actions have made us vulnerable and that if I had perhaps done something differently or chosen to do A instead of B, my life would be flowing like it had been just a few short months ago. Mark of course thinks I am being ridiculous and refuses to believe my crazy talk. I just hope he is right, because otherwise he has hooked his star to my anvil and he is going to get hit right along with me when that teetering menace finally falls.

Before you decide one way or the other whether you agree or not you should know a few more things. Last Thursday while Mark and I were out running in the morning, I fell. It was not pretty either, there was a badly skinned knee, a sprained ankle, a scraped shoulder and some very bruised pride as well. I did tell Mark when I got up that I was fine, and completed the run (a testament to my high pain threshold). However, the truth was I was not fine and I am still licking my wounds, another item to add to my curse theory list. Mark, shared with me yesterday when I announced my curse theory that what we have here is "life" nothing more than good old fashioned slogging along like everyone else.

I am not convinced it is just "life", I see the anvil and I keep looking up at it and pointing, but no one else seems the slightest pit concerned about it. I suppose for now, I will have to go along with the idea life is just happening and just relax and ride the wave, but it would be really nice if the anvil would just disappear. It is hard to concentrate when you think any minute you might be crushed. It is even more difficult when you are playing Henny Penny trying to warn people and no one is taking you seriously. At this point I have no choice but to just slog along like everyone else. But let me just say this since you already think I am nuts, it has been a tough few years, I have reached my limit and if at all possible consider the fact that maybe, just maybe I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!