Difference of Opinion

For the record, I know you are not me, I know that you do not have to do everything I suggest and I also know that you do not agree with all of my ideas. I also know that no one seems to be taking me seriously and that you have completely disregarded my idea without even looking into it. You are not willing to explain why my idea is not acceptable to you, you have just shut down and you are annoyed that I will not drop it.

I am surprised you do not know me well enough to know that I cannot drop it when I do not feel heard. I can also not drop it when I am not allowed to explain myself. What happens is that I become highly agitated and want to explain myself and I feel like I have to continue to explain myself until I feel like someone is listening to me and I am heard. Being heard is important to me. Why at my age I still am fighting the demons of my childhood I am not sure, but I am.

Growing up I had no voice I did not matter and it is still part of who I am today. When you do not listen to me I feel hurt and lonely. I start feeling like I have to make you see my side. I become defensive and frustrated and angry. Now instead of you listening to me you are angry at me and we have a difference of opinion with no possibility of meeting in the middle. This is not a good time to mock me or belittle me yet you did.

Now you come to me feeling badly for what you said and how you said it, you also tell me you looked into my idea and the results were 50/50. I appreciate that you are apologizing, but the thing is, if I cannot tell you how I feel and trust you to treat me with respect then our difference of opinion becomes something else entirely. I am hurt and I am sad and there is a piece of me that wonders why it is so hard to just talk to me. Why choose to block me and what I am saying with looks and sighs, as if I am so annoying, when all you need to do is just listen and respond. No you do not have to do what I say, but it would be nice to feel like you at least considered my ideas if only for a moment. I do not want to change you, I just want to share my opinion and possibly help you out and all you have to do is listen and let me know I am heard…how hard can that be really?