Put On Your Big Girl Panties

Out of desperation last night I called a friend. It was sort of like that show where you get lifelines and one of them is to phone a friend. I needed a lifeline, since things with my Aunt Nina are spiraling out of control. I had talked to Mark, I had talked to my Aunts good friend and I had talked to my cousin, but what I really needed was a reality check and I got it. My friend's advice, "It's time to put on your big girl panties and take control of this situation."

Mark and I have been so busy trying to make sure we do not take away my Aunt's self confidence and feeling of independence that we have backed ourselves into a corner. It is time to push back. Aunt Nina continues to refuse to eat and she also continues to lie in bed and scream in pain when people touch her even though x-rays have shown nothing. She is not drinking fluids and she is not answering her phone. She has everyone alarmed and I have had it in my mind that it is her life and her choice and that I could do nothing about it, but I have come to the place that say's NO MORE!

Today, I head out (in the snow, if you can believe it, where did the snow come from?) to see my Aunt and have her taken to the hospital. I want her checked out and I want them to give her the attention she needs to die (if she insists on it) with dignity. This lying in bed in the dark refusing food and water and laying in your own waste is disgusting and infuriating. Today is the day the independence ends and the care giving begins. Thanks to my friend's words, I am pulling on my big girls panties and taking charge.

Here is the part that is hardest for me. My Mom died May 22^nd 2009 and my Dad died May 3^rd 2010 and now my Aunt wants to die in 2011 and I am struggling with the fact that I will lose another loved one for the third year in a row. I know I have to set that aside and focus on getting her some help, but that piece of this sent me into a tail spin last night. Moving on, I have to stay strong, grab my important papers for her and hit the road. I am also waiting for a call from her attorney who I contacted yesterday. I am hoping he can help me navigate through my rights and responsibilities for My Great Aunt. I have said my prayer and done my yoga and pulled up my big girl panties…I am ready.