Untwisting My Big Girl Panties

Excuse me one moment while I untwist my panties…

I left home yesterday with my big girl panties securely in place and came back home with them twisted into a knot by frustration. I spent 5 and a half hours yesterday watching as one individual after another, including Anna her aide/companion, her friend Nancy, her Grandson Robert (home on leave from the marines) and a variety of staff at the senior living community tried to convince my Aunt to get up out of bed.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with her yet she would scream in pain and pretend to be in a sound deep sleep. She wants to die and apparently she thinks if she lays there in her urine soaked bed and screams in pain and pretends to sleep, we will all leave her alone. I sat there frustrated because I wanted to haul her fanny to the hospital, but since there is nothing wrong with her except stubbornness, there really is nothing a hospital can do.

Within the last hour of what I hesitate to call my visit, two of the upper level employees had reached their limit and scooped her out of bed as she screamed bloody murder. They put her in her wheel chair and whisked her off to have a bath, stripped her bed and replaced the sheets. She put up a pretty good fight until I told her they were doing this for her own good. What I find ironic is that she fought so hard when moments before she was in such pain.

So here is where I stand today:

• I have asked Anna to come back to her six day a week schedule to keep an eye on my Aunt. There is not enough time or staff where she lives to deal with her shenanigans.
  
• I am taking a couple of days to regroup and get in touch with her attorney to find out where to go from here.
  
• I am working hard to get past my anger…it is not easy.
  
• I understand that it is hard to be 93, but why she chooses to do nothing, and I mean NOTHING, but sit and complain all day everyday is beyond me.
  
• I realize you cannot teach this old dog any new tricks, she wants to be miserable.
  
• If she pulls this stunt again, she is going to the hospital.
  
• My Aunts new normal is that I know she does not like me and now I am going to give her something to really not like because I refuse to join the pity party she is throwing for herself.
  
• I am working hard to find compassion and understanding for her feelings while not becoming a codependent. This requires walking a fine line.
  

Finally I hope to dislodge this twist in my panties…