Negative Energy

Negative Energy: noun; any form of energy that is in some way detrimental (esp. spiritual). dictionary.com

It is in the air swirling around nipping at my ankles and making my heart race. This feeling of urgency with anxiety mixed in. I wake feeling it and I lay awake at night trying to fall asleep to get away from it, but the negative energy does not leave me. This morning it was pouring out of me as I shared it with Avery and then Mark, nothing off the charts, just a snippy chastising, about something minimal. They never saw it coming, but I knew it was when I woke and the energy began its swirling dance through my body. Mark and Avery were victims to my venom. In slight defense, Avery had some of it coming, but the pace and time of the attack, were wrong but I just could not stop the force of the feeling.

Where is this coming from? Every year I feel this feeling, it brings me to my emotional knees. I am not sure if it is spring or if it is just how I am in spring, but I am worn thin from this feeling of hurry. I want to find away to channel this energy; harness it if you will, into a positive force. I need to make this energy work for me and not against me, but how? This energy is spiritually and physically draining. I look at everything before me as a chore, even the things that I love to do are work for me right now. As things come up I find myself pushing myself to get through them.

It is spring, the sun is out more, the air is warming and people everywhere I go seem to be smiling and walking more lightly, yet I am dragging my feet as if I have on lead boots. Who are you and what have you done with Ragen? Agh, I have just returned from the high school parent meeting and I feel as if I have run a marathon. I am certain that if I could shut my brain off for a little while and rest I would feel a little better, but looming out there is the call I just received from Aunt Nina's aide, Anna saying that she has not been out of bed since my visit with her Monday, so now I will add that worry to the energy.

I believe my best course of action right now is to allow myself a short nap. Even this beautiful sun is not keeping me on track today, so I think it is best to let my body run my mind and give into the need for rest. Perhaps when I wake everything will seem a little less negative.