Fear Factor

I am not a fearful person. I do not have a lot of things that worry me or frighten me, over all when it comes to fear I am pretty even keel. With that being said, I should be honest and say that I often wonder why I am comfortable here in my little perch. Why have I never decided to go to college or now that my girls are older, go back to work. It sometimes crosses my mind that I might be afraid.

Fear can keep you from being who you are truly meant to be. Fear can keep you from stepping into a job or life choice that could bring you happiness. Fear can even make you think that you are not good enough for the choices you have to make. This is why I believe that fear is a dark place. Fear is not a place that you can go for comfort. Fear is what I believe to be the work of demons. These demons could be left over from childhood or they could have been created through a relationship or difficult time, but they are spurred by self doubt and sadness. The more self doubt and sadness, the more fear.

The hard part is pin pointing what caused the fear. Sometimes it is easy to say exactly where it (fear) came from and why, while other times the fear is irrational and it hides beneath your consciousness. Knowing what is causing the fear helps you move forward by confronting that fear head on. Right now I am convinced that my desire to be home and be a Mom is based solely on my desire to support my husband and children and keep our lives less stressful. I have spent a lot of time thinking about fear and the role it might play in my decision to be home and I am comfortable that( at least for now), there are no demons at work in my choice.

A good friend reminded me yesterday that I am the Project Manager for M & R (Mark and Ragen) Corporation. I tend to forget that regardless of how unimportant what I do here at home seems to others; to my family it is extremely valuable. As I ponder my happiness in my perch, it comes to mind that perhaps I am so comfortable here solely because of my happiness. No ulterior motives or demons, just plain joy in a life of everyday things with everyday people. For now this is a very fearless and comfortable position to be in.