A Love Letter

Dear Me,

I have struggled for years to love you. While you are someone I like and also someone that others like, love for you has not come easily. When you were young, you were so lonely and sad. I worried that you would never be someone that others would like. In spite of the sadness and loneliness you had a great sense of humor and made friends easily.

I admire that you value your health and that you watch what you eat. I also admire your determination to work out and stay in good shape. I know that sometimes it is harder than others and the fact that you make working out a priority in your life shows that all though there are times when you may not like yourself, you still work to stay healthy.

Loving you is not easy. It is not because you are unlovable, but because you do not know how to love yourself. I also know that you worry about being conceited and you are always warning your children to be good people. I remember when Ashleigh was younger that you would say to her "Remember to use your beauty for good and not evil" because you were concerned that because she was pretty she would be conceited and think herself better than others. I know that you have tried your whole life to like yourself and I also know you have never considered yourself especially pretty and this makes me so sad. I wish that you could look in a mirror with the sole purpose of just looking at you, but you always seem to have an agenda and you are not willing to take the time to look deeply into your own eyes.

My love for you is not fleeting, however it sometimes seems conditional. I try so hard to except you for whom you are, but I find myself always wishing for some things about you to be different. There are the days when I find fault with your hair or your clothes or your body and even your face. I hope you know that you are a work in progress and in time I hope you will have enough love for yourself to see past the exterior.

You are a funny, loving person. When someone is hurting it hurts you too. You can make up your mind to be or do just about anything and step into it without a second thought. You are a loving mother who is trying to raise her children to love God, love life, and laugh out loud often. Your heart is large and your mind is open. You are a faithful woman of God.

Your determination to rise from the ashes of your life and move forward continues to astound me. Where does that strength come from? Your ability to forgive is unlimited and you extend the gift of forgiveness without pause. I hope in time you will extend forgiveness to yourself and love yourself the way you deserve. You are a child of God and you have been filled with gifts. Use those gifts and love yourself like no one else can.

With all my LOVE,

Ragen