Quiet

The stillness and calm this morning is like a warm blanket, it wraps around me and comforts me. On this frigidly cold morning, the calm helps me center myself. I must prepare for the day. In a few hours I will meet with my Aunt and put my cards on the table. In order to care for her and know that she is having all of her needs met, we will keep Anna in her life.

As I think all of this through, I have to remember that although my Aunt has always been difficult, there have been times when she has been very kind to me. I also need to remember that her life now could be better if she choose it to be. She refuses to walk even though she can. She also refuses to do anything that is the slightest bit rehabilitating. Considering that she is 93, she must feel like why bother. It is a complex and sad situation. I will not abandon her although when things like the situation a few days ago come up, I do fantasize about it.

I cannot imagine what life has in store for me yet. I wonder sometimes will I live a long life as my aunt has, and if I do will I make the most of that last bit of life. I tend to look at each thing that passes through my life has a lesson. In the case of my Aunt, I am learning a lot. My only sadness is that I cannot share this lesson with my Aunt because she is not interested. She is happy being miserable. She is happy learning stories about others and sharing them with anyone who will listen. She is also happy flexing her meanness and sharing that. She is not going to change, but my life does not have to turn out like that, so I watch her and I learn.

I recently have seen the wonderful Betty White doing the talk show circuit promoting her sitcom Hot in Cleveland. As I watch her I find myself idealizing this beautiful and talented 89 year old funny lady. She helps me realize that life does not have to slow down or stop no matter what your age. You just keep moving and living until your mission here in this life is complete. I close today leaving you with a YouTube video of Betty White on the David Letterman show last week. Betty White has inspired me. She is living every minute of her life to the fullest. No matter how it goes with my Aunt today I know that I will stand firm in continuing to give her life comfort and safety. The rest will be up to her. For just a few more minutes this morning I will enjoy the quiet and then I will be off to make the most of today and everyday to come.