One Random Thought

It was subtle but it had a dramatic affect on me. I am talking about the random thought the other day about what to get my Dad for Christmas. I was just going about my business and the thought floated into my head. It was a good few minutes before I realized what had happened and it threw me a little bit. It is really hard to believe that it has been almost two years since my family drama began. It is also still a little shocking that both my parents are gone.

 A year ago this week, plans were in full swing for my fateful Thanksgiving trip to Louisiana. You remember the one where I met the woman that was living in what a few months earlier had been my Mom's home. That was a difficult and stressful time. Which then lead to months of more and more stress. The end result was that a very sick man died and left behind a huge mess for my sister and me to clean up. Every day it seems like we come across or hear about more issues that my Dad created, but somehow, I sometimes still forget that he is gone.

 I am looking forward to this Thanksgiving. I want to rinse the taste of last year's Thanksgiving from my mind and replace it with a new and better memory. I want to make my own turkey and pie and relax with my family. Mostly, I just want to relax. My family has had a difficult 18 months and while it is too much to expect that we will be without stress ever again, I do want to snuggle into this lull and rest my brain. I want to "take a load off" as they say.

 Even with all the past memories floating about, somehow I still have a small cerebral remnant of my Dad floating around my brain that I have not yet released. I now realize that my relationship with my Dad was more imagined then reality. That does not stop me from thinking about him which has been my habit for 27 years. He is a part of my fiber. He changed the way I think about many things and he has taught me to not give away my trust too easily. I have also learned to trust my gut.

 I have decided this year to replace the thoughts of what to get my Dad or Mom for Christmas, I am going to give. I am going to give to my church, I am going to give to people that I know are struggling and I am going to give to family and friends. We do not have a lot, but I want to give. Giving seems like the best way to heal. I can help others while healing myself at the same time.

"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared" This is a quote from Buddha.

 That one moment days ago has had a profound impact on me. Honestly, this last 18 months has had a huge impact on me as well. I will not take a single moment for granted. I plan to enjoy my life, my family and my friends. I honestly believe that by honoring my Dad and forgiving him for the hurt he has caused I will be giving him the greatest gift I have to offer. A lot can come from one random thought.