My Addiction

I admit it I have become addicted to a television show. I am hooked on Ghost Whisper. The show is about woman who can see and talk to ghosts. I have become so addicted that I will watch three shows in a row some afternoons, and the shows that I have to miss, I try to record. I am certain that this all has something to do with the fact that I feel like my Mom is still here with me.

After my Mom died on May 22, 2009, I was beside myself with stress and grief over some of the plans my Dad was making for her Memorial. I was also filled with anger about the fact that he was seeing someone else on the side (the woman who was supposed to be caring for my mom that he later married). I was driving one day and in frustration I started talking to my Mom out loud. I said "Mom, I do not care how long it takes I am going to make this right". At that moment, I knew she heard me and was there with me.

At her memorial service I asked my girls to sing the song The Climb that was originally sung by Miley Cyrus. They did a beautiful job singing the song acapella and they sounded like angels. Now, every so often when I have a concern about her estate or a worry I will randomly hear that song. It has been amazing. Sometimes it is the original version, and other times it is a snip of it, no matter when it is, it is unexpected and I cannot help but feel she is with me and letting me know it will be OK.

Recently, I was sitting in a chair in our living room. The chair sits next to the end table where I keep the box of my Mom's ashes. I was talking on the phone with my sister and we were discussing some estate issues. As I was talking with her I remember feeling a warm tingling sensation just above my knee as if someone's hand was there giving my leg a little squeeze. My Mom used to do that when we would be talking, she would always give my leg a little love squeeze. I knew at that moment my Mom was there letting me know she was happy with what we were doing on her behalf.

My addiction to this show helps me feel like my connection to my Mom is real. It is not some made up crack pot idea, it is real. I hope that my Mom knows that despite our relationship issues in the past I will always work to correct the wrongs that were done to her. I might not have agreed with everything she did, but I loved her and have dealt with a lot of sadness based on her final months of life. If a few hours of ghost stories will help me heal and feel like I am still able to reach out to her, I am going to do it. Honestly, I think the show ended last May, so how many more episodes could there be any way. Not that it matters, because I will see each and every one of the episodes. I guess that is why it is called an addiction.