Day 329 The Perfect Mom Project

Yesterday as I was cleaning (doing that a lot lately because we have had company for Aly's birthday), I was trying to clean out a cleaning brush that had hair trapped in it. Call me crazy, but as I was yanking and tugging at that hair trying to release it from its bristled bondage, it reminded me of how I have felt making my way through the last few months of my life. There is no easy way to unravel a tangled mess.

The best part of all of this time has been the discoveries I have made about myself and my family. I have gained relationships with two of my sisters. I have lost respect for who my Dad was at the end, but wondered over pictures of him laughing and being with my Mom. I have enjoyed visits with my Aunt Nina and I have hated visits with her too. I have watched each of my children move forward through milestones in their lives and not even look back, the past is the past when you are young. All in all I have lived.

I am beginning to realize that no road is easy, that each person travels a road that is personal and pendulous. We each wonder over "what if's" and wishes. The old saying that you should never judge someone until you have walked in their shoes comes to mind. For me, I think I should not assume that my life these last few months is any more frustrating or upsetting then anyone else's. Perhaps instead of unraveling what is before me, I should just live through it feeling the feelings and living it. Perhaps I should be looking at this time of my life as a learning process instead of a bristled bondage. There are no guarantees that I will be here tomorrow, next week , or even next year, so maybe my best course of action is to just step into this time of my life and become part of the bristle brush instead of the tangle. Yeah…I like that idea.