4 Years

Four years ago today my Mom passed away. I can still remember when I was in my early twenties and struggling through my divorce, my Mom saying “Wait five years and everything will be different”. At the time all I could think was “FIVE YEARS?!” Five years seemed like such a long time and I really thought I would never make it, but somehow I did. From that point on when times were tough I would throw my five year safety net out and make my way through whatever trial I had in front of me.

Looking back these last four years, I can still remember yelling out in my car, the day after my Mom passed   “Mom, I will make this all right. I don’t know how or when, but I will make it all ok”. I still have another year inside my five year safety net, but so far it seems things are getting better. All of the final estate papers are signed and mailed and we are just waiting for my envelope to arrive at the attorney’s office. Apparently, my priority envelope which was suppose to arrive Monday was touring New Orleans, but looking at the tracker it looks like it should finally get there today. The delay just adds more suspense to an already stressful situation.

In the last four years I have lost my Mom, a year later my Dad and then the following year my Great Aunt Nina who I was caring for. All three passed in May and now here we are in May again looking at the end of the estate battle. What will the next year hold in this five year cycle? There is no telling, but there is so much life left to live and so many blessings yet to come.

My Mom is part of who I have become and I cherish every quirky thing that I am. I can now look back and see where she loved me. I stopped carrying the burden of my troubled childhood a long time ago. I know my Mom did the best she could and I also know that I was able to do better and I believe I have. I recently had a conversation with a friend that had lost her Mom. Throughout the years we had always lamented to each other our dissatisfaction with our mothers and how we were raised. When we spoke recently we both marveled at how our tune had changed after losing them. Without even realizing it our mothers had left their mark of love. When we were younger, it was not the mark we wanted or hoped for, but now that they are gone we cherish the value of the mark they have left behind.

No one sets out hoping for time to pass and change things. Most of us look out starry eyed at the future and think nothing but the best, but on the off chance that you are looking out over a troubled time and you cannot see an end in sight I can offer you that simple but lasting piece of advice my Mom shared all those years ago “wait five years and it will all be different”.