Learning to Say No

I have spent most of my life agreeing to things I probably should not have. It's an illness. I am a pleaser, I want others to like me and I also do not want anyone to be hurt or upset with me. So instead I throw myself under the bus and feel the burn of frustration when I am in over my head.

In over my head for a long time was my comfort zone, and I had myself convinced that everyone needed me. I would agree to whatever the event was and then kick myself after because I felt so overwhelmed by the whole thing. Most often my family would feel the sting of my discontent, I mean why would a good friend (like me) take it out on the person that had asked me to help with ______________ (fill in the blank).

Age has made me wiser, I am slowly learning that being busy all the time and going constantly "helping" is not working for me. Is it possible to say no when you like someone or love them? Honestly it is tough to retrain people to see that you are not who you once were. The other issue is that you have to retrain yourself to think before you raise your hand to help. Someone like me who wants to please and not hurt anyone tends to agree before thinking it through completely.

The worst part is that I am seeing signs of the inner struggle and turmoil of "THE YES" in my youngest daughter who gives rides that are out of her way when she does not really want to. That's how it starts, small things. Her response when I asked why she gave the ride when she did not want to? "I did not want to her her feelings". Oh boy! That's when I knew that I had passed the issue on.

No is not an easy word to say but it is worth saying for everyone involved. No one wants help from anyone that really does not want to be there. Most of all, no releases you from being in over your head and unhappy. Honestly, lately I have been focusing more on the happy part. I like that way more then the unhappy frustration of doing something I really do not want to. Most importantly of all you will know now when I agree to help or join family and friends for an event that I really want to be there. This will please everyone including me.

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