Avoidance

Years ago, when I was a single mom I put myself in a financial pickle. I would get my mail and any bills would just go into a stack. Eventually I would pay them but most times it was almost too late and many times it was too late. In my mind as long as it was not open, it was not a problem. Honestly in my defense, I may have learned this technique from my mom.

I may have told you this story before, but when I was about 9 or 10 years old my mom and I were walking through the mall and there was a booth selling items from India. My mom purchased fabric to make herself a Sari and some lovely shoes made with gold thread that had the curl at the end of the toe (picture Aladdin). She informed me at the time, that instead of paying the phone bill she decided to buy the sari fabric and the shoes.  Our phone was shut off, no surprise.

In time I sought help from a credit counselor and got it together, realizing that I had more stress from wondering about the bills instead of just opening them and budgeting for them. However, I may not have completely cured myself of avoiding things that I do not want to deal with. My cat Emeril has been sick for some time. Let me put it this way he has more coming out of his tummy then what he keeps in it. I am constantly cleaning up after him. My little home carpet cleaner is getting quite a workout. The trouble is that although I know he needs to go to the doctor, I am avoiding it. I am also making more work for myself. I feel like if I do take him they will tell me there is something really wrong with him and I know I just cannot take that news.

So that is how selfish I am. I am more worried about how I will feel then I am about his health and until just now sharing this story with you I had lost the ability to use good judgment. I have been using my long gone technique of avoiding and until just a few minutes ago it had been working very well. Now suddenly I am tossed into this melting pot of guilt and shame blended with a sharp note self-loathing.

Avoiding seems like such a great plan when you first start out and then somewhere in the middle of it you realize you are burying yourself alive with choices that could be different if you just face facts. I know better and I know I can do better. I owe my furry friend more then to just ignore his illness. Today I am putting on my big girl panties and moving past my personal road block. I am going to call the vet and make an appointment for Emeril. That’s what responsible pet owners do for the fur-ever friends.

Avoiding really just turns into another problem altogether. It adds stress and guilt and sometimes makes a small problem an even bigger one. I cannot keep throwing my cats illness in the pile and avoiding it, no matter where I learned this method it is time to stop and be responsible. Avoidance just is not the answer.