There comes a point when you just have nothing else to give. Yesterday was that day. After an afternoon of trying to mother my children and getting nothing but push back I was done. It did not help that when my cork popped and I went barreling over the edge my husband decided to take the girls side. Never mind that he was not here for a good portion of the stress and never mind that it was obvious that I was not in my right mind, it seemed to all of them that I was the problem and that's where the attention went!
So here is where I am at and I really do not care who knows…I have lost my mind! I am done. I give and I give to these people all day every day. Many, many times giving up my own desires to keep everyone happy. I have made meals that people have complained about, I have bought too much of things they do not like or not enough of what they do. I have grocery shopped with no clue what they want because no one here can write anything down and sucked it up when I have gotten push back about what I bought.
I have invested my time and energy into pulling together a party for my youngest because her birthday has for whatever reason always (and I am serious about this) come after other events that people planned on that date, including my oldest daughter's wedding and my Dad who died on her birthday (May 3rd). I decided at 16 she should have a special day so because I am not crazy enough planning for my middle daughters graduation, I decided to pull something together for Avery too. Now, because I did not want her to rattle off the guest list to me at the dinner table she got ticked off at me. I merely asked her to write it down. Apparently she was going to, but she wanted to tell me first. Here is where I was at. I have enough in my freaking head right now, just WRITE IT DOWN. I am now the bad guy!
My middle daughter was mad because I tagged along when she went for her final Prom dress fitting, you know…THE ONE I BOUGHT! Apparently I had originally said I was not going to go and so my changing my mind bugged her. She did not speak to me in the car; she would not let me help her with the dress and barely looked at earrings I was showing her for her dress. I explained to her I was just hoping she might get a better idea of what she liked by looking at some options, but of course, what would I know. "I am never going to wear them again Mom, so I really do not want to spend a lot of money on them", "I understand that, I am just trying to give you some ideas, I really do not want to be stressing out looking for the perfect earring the week of the dance!" "Besides, you might be surprised, you may need some nice earrings more than once in your life maybe you will have a dance in college." I said. "NO Mom, they do not have dances in college!" this from my daughter who has never even been to college yet!
Then at dinner when I snapped because my youngest daughter got mad at me because I did not want her rattling off her list of guests for her party right then and there, the world popped off its axis and I lost my cool and my mind. My husband not being of sound mind, decided this was a good time to pick a side and he went with the opposing team. So now I sit her angry and bitter knowing I still have to cook, clean, mow the lawn and do laundry for these very same people and I just do not want to.
I am sitting here today second guessing how I have raised my children. I am wondering if I have given them too much and not made them work enough. I have been so focused on supporting them so that they would do well in school and now I have two girls that do not understand how much work it is and think that my not emotionally and mentally keeping it together is a problem. Apparently their Dad agrees with them. Well all I can say is TOO BAD! I am over wrought and underappreciated and tired of being treated like I am annoying, you people have the best deal in town and you do not even know it and if you do, apparently you have no idea how good it really is.
If you are getting the idea that I am angry than you are reading this right, I am angry, I have gone mad and I have lost my mind and I do not care one bit. I have been pushed too far and since I cannot go back and stop myself, I am not going to worry about it. Just once it would be nice to have some one step in my shoes for a day or two, pretty sure they would be hard to fill, but if you want to try…by all means do it!
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