Resenting and Forgiving

This week has been a one/two punch of life lesson moments. I have been trying to let go of the resentment and anger that I have had towards my Dad's widow. I have harbored resentment towards her (the widow) based on the fact that she was judging me for my relationship with my parents without knowing the whole story. I was also hurt and sad solely based on how my Dad handed his affairs at the end. I was carrying around all of these feelings and becoming consumed with feelings that were eating me alive.

Because I believe that everything happens the way it is suppose to, it makes it tough when things happen that make no sense. Why is this happening? What am I suppose to learn from this? These are just some of the questions that I flog myself with.

The other day as I was driving I flipped on the radio to the Oprah channel (They generally will replay her old TV shows, so I like to enlighten myself when I can). The show that was on was a rebroadcast of a 2004 or 2006 show that had the Ebersol family talking about a plane crash that killed their youngest son (14), the pilot and the flight attendant. The Dad and one of the other son's (21) who actually rescued the Dad were spared. The Mother who is actress Susan St. James was speaking about the crash and how the family decided to stay focused on the joy they had when their son Teddy was alive and not focus on their sadness and resentment that he was gone. Her quote was "Resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other guy dies". When I heard that I realized that I died a little inside everyday by keeping this bitterness with me and I needed to let it go.

I also realize that I need to just forgive and release these feelings. Forgiving is not to forget what happened or to release the other persons responsibility, forgiveness is so that your heart remains open. It does not matter what "The Widow" believes or what her part was in all that happened. The widow's life path will guide her through the lessons she needs to learn, my being angry and hurt will accomplish nothing for her and in the end stain my life with anger and hostility.

These are things that I already knew, but it was nice to have the reminders. There are times that we get so caught up in the false sense of what is right and wrong that we forget that we can stay stuck in the wrong place or we can move on and let life work out the way it suppose to. Today I am free and ready to step back into my life with no need to justify myself or punish someone else. I am back on my own path and walking with a lighter load.