With a subtle but direct hit, I got the message. We were all asked to take a small red ball from a bin as we walked into the service. The sermon was about finding where you can give back and throughout the sermon it was emphasized that giving back does not have to hurt or make you uncomfortable. One of the best ways to give back is to do so through a talent or something you enjoy doing. I actually felt better hearing that, because I have tried to pigeon hole myself into objectives that I was not comfortable with in the past and then I would feel guilty that I did not have a passion for it. It was not a big win for anyone at that point, because my heart was not in it and I was not giving 100 %.
Now I am not only trying to find myself and where to go from here with me, I am also going to have to search for how to fit myself into giving back at church. I cannot help but look at this red ball and instead of feeling empowered, I think about chucking it! In a few weeks we are to write on the red ball in Sharpie where we see ourselves using our passion and return the ball to church.
GREAT! Now I am in a tail spin!! I cannot find myself and now I am searching not only for me for my own sake, but for God's sake too? Talk about pressure! This red ball which was meant to help me enlighten myself probably actually only weighs a few ounces, but to me it is a lead anvil. Every time I look at it (the red ball) I am reminded how totally uninspired I really am.
Not only do I feel uninspired, I am feeling pressure. Could I possibly be the biggest loser ever? Maybe there is a reality show for uninspired biggest loser, where I could win big money for being the biggest uninspired loser and I could give some of the money to the church. Maybe I could…or…or even…
That was my last few days, endless amounts of wondering where to go from here with no answers. In true uninspired fashion, I am now mad at myself which then transfers into being mad at everyone else and then eating anything I can find that seems the slightest bit comforting. At some point I might even eat this red ball. Yes, it is that bad!
So while God is having a good laugh at my expense, I am busy pretending like I know myself and trying to figure this whole thing out. Somewhere in this is an opportunity and once I am done with my snack, I am going to figure out what it is. In the mean time, maybe this red ball would entertain my puppy princess Roxanne….Hmmmm.
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| Does anyone know if you can go to hell if your dog eats your church homework? |
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