Yesterday we (Me, Mark and all three of our girls) celebrated the day with a dinner of Chinese food, because my Mom loved Chinese food. After dinner we came home to a homemade Bumpy Cake that I made. The cake was delicious but it looked terrible, which you can see for yourself below.
I know that my Mom loved me and I also know that she did the best she could. Mothering is not an easy job and honestly as much as I loved my Grandma, I know she was not a good mother and really offered little decent training in child rearing…I can say that because I spent most of my formative years living with my Grandparents.
Yesterday as I spent time with my girls, I realized that getting it right when it comes to child rearing is not easy. For every step forward there is most often a step back. I spent much of my life trying to get my Mom to notice me and then the rest of my life wondering if she really loved me. The one thing I took away from that experience of searching for my Mom's love is that all my own girls really need from me is my love. They will do any number of things that will drive me crazy and in the end as long as they know they are loved and accepted in spite of our head butting and differences of opinion, they will be fine. Life is tough enough and finding love is elusive…I never want my children to have to question my love for them.
There were a few tears yesterday and they were all mine. Tears of sadness that I never had with my Mom what my girls and I have and tears of joy that I have the relationship I have with my girls. We can get flat out knock down drag out mad at each other and know that when the chips are down we are each other's safest place to fall. I never doubt their love for me and I hope they never ever doubt my love for them. The truth is that I continue to celebrate and remember my Mom, because despite what she did not offer me as a Mom, she made up for in helping me become who I am today. I love that I have her quirky sense of humor and I love that that same sense of humor came from both my maternal grandparents. I also love that I have a sensitive tender hearted side that has taught me to love God's creatures and appreciate nature and quiet.
I also have a white hot temper if you make me mad and the ability to argue like a lawyer when you push me…that might not seem like an upside, but it is a part of the overall family package. Just like any combo pack, you have to take the good with the bad.
Happy Birthday Miss Mary, your gift of humor and inappropriate comments lives on and I guarantee that it will live for generations, because your granddaughters are living proof. If nothing else we can all see the funny in the most unfunny of places and we also can laugh at ourselves which is a great gift all on its own. May you rest and be at peace and someday I will share with you a slice of this hideous looking but insanely delicious cake. I LOVE you Mom!
Ugly, but delicious Bumpy Cake…
Someone needs to work on her glazing, but still MMM MMM GOOD!
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