The Past Brings Presence

I was 25 years old and a single mother, I worked full time as an inventory clerk (40 hours a week) in a lumber yard and I was barely scraping by. My income from my job was so low I ended up finding an apartment in a HUD housing project. This felt like the lowest point for me at the time. I was struggling to make a good home for my daughter in a less than desirable environment and little did I know that my lowest point was about to get lower.

I was called into my store manager's office on a cold winter afternoon and I was told that due to slow sales they were going to have to cut my hours down to 35 hours a week. With that cut to my hours I realized I could not pay for childcare and my apartment and I had no idea what I might do. My parents had come over to visit and I was telling them about my job and my concerns and they offered up a solution. My Dad would renovate the basement of their house into a small living space and I could live in their home until my hours were reinstated and I got back on my feet.

This solution seemed like a dream come true, but my parents also offered up some guidelines.

1. I would pay $35.00 a week CASH
   
2. They would not babysit for me. I would have to hire one of my sisters or a friend to watch my daughter.
   
3. I had to be home by 2:00 AM when I went out or I was not allowed in the house until later in the morning when everyone was up.
   
4. I had to move out in one year.
   

The deal seemed tough, but I figured it was their house so it was their rules. I had no idea how tough it would be. I remember having a fight with my Mom one week because I wanted to pay her with a check and she got angry with me. I did not know what the big deal was, "It's just one week!" I also remember trying to find a babysitter that was comfortable sitting in my little basement apartment with my parents upstairs while I went out. Being home by 2:00 AM seems like an easy enough thing until you are out with your friends and they all want to go out to breakfast and at 25 you have to go home so you do not get locked out. Finally, moving out from anywhere when you really have no money is not as easy it sounds.

The other day as I was talking with my sister about the past I had a presence of mind. That time in my life was tough, but I learned a lot about myself and I learned it because my parents made me. When the time came for me to move out, my parents handed me an envelope with all the cash I had paid them over the months that I lived with them plus the one check I had written them. I learned that I had to count on myself and not lean on anyone else. It was my job as an adult to take care of my daughter and me. I learned that being out until 2:00 AM is not something a mother of a young daughter should do on a regular basis and finally I learned that when you have to you can do anything, you just have to put one foot in front of the other until you get where you need to be.

Reflecting on the past helps you see that where you have been is not as bad as it seemed at the time. You are stronger then you realize and your low is never as low as someone else's low. You can do just about anything when you try. In the middle of living you forget this stuff, you do not give yourself the credit you deserve to get through it all and you feel like giving up. DON'T, because in your past you will find your presence of mind.