High Anxiety or Anxiety High

So what would life be like without stress and anxiety? What kind of person would I be? Would I be boring? Would I be bored? I am wondering if I want the answer to those questions. The anxiety train has been parked in my station so long I am starting to think it is permanently docked like the Queen Mary in California.

 The last few years have been a nonstop stream of anxiety inducing events that have kept me on an emotional roller coaster. I am starting to wonder when (or if) things settle down in my life, will I be bored? Maybe anxiety is the only way I can make it now. Perhaps I am so used to this constant knot of tension in my neck and gut that I will have a tough time when I do not have that any more. Right now I catch myself clinching my teeth and heaven forbid if I have a piece of gum in my mouth. I look like a wild animal chewing that stuff, every aggression comes out in that tiny little rubbery piece of gum. Yesterday, I was making my way through the self check out at our local grocery store and I was trying to put my change away in my purse, when the next customer in line came over and he said "excuse me." Seriously pal, you can't wait two seconds while I put away my change? You are in that big of a hurry? Maybe, on a different day it would not have bugged me, but all I could think of to say was, "EXCUSE me, I am trying to put away my change!" The whole time thinking…IDIOT!

 The high level of anxiety is not good right now. I keep thinking that there is a lesson I am to learn and wondering each day if I have gotten it yet. There is also the chance that I might embrace a new found lighter state of mind. Maybe I would be more light hearted and friendly. Perhaps I would smile at the rude grocery store guy and say something like "Oh, sorry! Almost done here" I would even add a cheery, "Have a nice day!" as I waved and walked away. Who am I kidding the whole thing would still bug the heck out of me no matter what my state of mind was.

 So the questions are really, when the stress and anxiety of the two estates, my husband's job and my daughter's lives settle down, will I be OK? Can I survive without that anxiety, or is this an addiction that I will have to overcome? Am I having an anxiety high or is this high anxiety temporary? All I know is that if this stress train does not leave the station soon, I will be banned from several local establishments!