Letting Life Go On

One of the hardest parts of someone passing is letting life go on. There is also finding a way to make the menial tasks seem important enough to do and realizing that most of the other people in the world know nothing about your loss. Their lives go on while yours tries to absorb what has happened and come to terms with it.

 I am stuck, I am neither moving on nor am I absorbing. Something about the last 4 ½ years of family dying has me feeling like I should have studied up more on family history. Perhaps I should have written down a few stories and names. Without Aunt Nina's daughter Dana, my Mom, My Dad or my Aunt Nina, I am left to sort through my Aunts house and put together the story of our family. My cousin Laurel left yesterday after a week of being at my side and the vacancy is notable. We are the last remaining women with matriarchal potential and with Laurel's distance (she lives in Denver, Colorado). It seems that I will be caring the family torch for now.

 My job now is to gather together my Aunts assets and care for them until her Grandson's are each 25 years old. At that time they will receive their inheritance from her and I will be relieved of my duties. I have a three bedroom house filled with my Aunt's life to sort out and prepare for sale once that is done I will mostly be a paper pusher keeping tabs on the estate and keeping it solid until it is time to disburse it. Today, I am just working on trying to move on with my life and not feeling blue. At 93, morning my Aunt seems silly she had a long full life filled with travel and friends and bridge games. I just think that these last few years of loss have caught up with me. I am thankful that today I can sit on my deck in my sanctuary and smell the lilacs that have bloomed. The sweet scent and the warm sun are recharging my depleted battery.

 Today I will work towards letting life go on. I will share time with my girls who were on their own for much of the week as Laurel, Matt, Mark and I sat with Aunt Nina as she journeyed to the other side. My children and Mark are my life and having them around will help lift my heart. I will make a quick call to Ashleigh so that I can hear her sweet voice and I will focus on the love I feel for the family that I have that remain on earth. Time is shorter then you think, it is spring and summer is not far behind. The circle of life goes on.